How you treat your servants will predict how long you will live

Why...

Do we treat those who help us with such disdain? History tells us what happens. All empires fade away... usually about the time the home help gets pissed off. Take Ancient Rome. There are only so many orgies you can clean up after, a limited number of vomitorium’s you can sluice out, before even a slave decides “screw this for a game of coco, I’ve had enough”. Their debauched and jowly bosses were so far removed from the granite hard soldiers who founded Rome that sure enough, before you could say Barbarians at the gate... it all came tumbling down. And not one slave or servant shed a tear. It is in fact a little scary to note that the sudden rise in the transgender ‘population’ almost exactly coincided with the collapse of Rome, but that will be another blog.

...and another thing

Our neighbours across the water in France were simply unspeakably badly behaved towards servants. The peasants and servants alternated between being cannon-fodder for the English, to pulling lice out of ‘The Count da Cost’s’ hair or wiping the bottom of Madame de Poopalot.

In the 1780’s there was a lull in hostilities as famine meant no one could lift a pea-shooter let alone a sword. Marie Antoinette offered her new diet advice of “let them eat cake”. The servants said “enough”, and soon pathetic Aristos with hairdos taller that a stove pipe hat, we’re being packed off to Mr. Le Guillotine for a short back and sides.

Of course, the wonderful thing was once the French domestic servants got some freedom, they created the two national French pastimes; shagging their best friend’s wife and cooking.

As for Russia, their rules and regs for servants and serfs by 1910 were so arcane and absurd that the 1919 Revolution was a forgone conclusion.

...and another thing

It is interesting to note that of all the role-playing games kids play, they practically never play master and servant. This is purely an adult ‘game’. Enough said, except remember the ‘safety’ word!

As some of you no doubt rush off to view the antics of servants and masters of Downton Abbey and hark back wistfully to this golden age, remember it’s a bit like the gladiator fights at the Circus Maximus or a week-end with Trump in Moscow. Far better to watch than participate.

Now, why the hell have neither my toothpaste been squeezed onto my toothbrush nor my newspaper ironed

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2 Comments

  1. Magda says:

    What did the French do to you Mr Grenside 😉 ?
    Were only the French unspeakably badly behaved towards their servants, practising “menage à 3” and cooking ?
    If you ask a French person the cliché will go to the Italians 😉 Supposedly great lovers and cooks 🙂

  2. Lee says:

    It’s staff like in an office. Great staff works all the time and of course gossip