Life is being blighted by blockers & noisy food

Why...

Whenever the lights go up at the theatre or cinema, why are the people at the ends of my row the last people to file out? I smoulder waiting whilst they gawk at the programme, endlessly check under their seat or simply stand there trying to find their fellow travellers on the bus from Hove who are in other seats sprinkled around the auditorium? They are the same people who seem surprised to get a bill at the check- out and then search for their purse for five minutes, or the 'change monkeys' at coffee shops who insist not only in paying in cash but counting out loose change to the last penny. The driver who texts his mates when the lights go green, the waddler who parks his supermarket trolley sideways in narrow aisles then wanders away, or the escalator riders who stop dead after stepping off so everyone behind piles into them? They are life’s Blockers. They need to identify themselves so we in turn can avoid them. I have an idea of the sign for identification; it starts with W and ends with…….

...and another thing

About theatres, why can’t they say on the tickets and advertising when the performance ends? Most people need to know this essential fact either if booking a meal afterwards or checking on transport?

...and another thing

Admittedly I think silent crisps might be a challenge but could not confectionary manufacturers start cinema friendly packaging? They would clean up. Imagine how much more we would love our favourites if enjoyed in silence because of a felt covered container? Other improvements:

Maltesers (how about dark chocolate ones or even Mintesers),

Smarties (some of the coloured letter caps from the old tube are very valuable now, but can we have rainbow coloured ones),

Jelly Babies (originally called Peace Babies when they came out in 1918. How about marshmallow ones)?

Or if it is too difficult to have shusshhh packaging, how about a grazing section in the auditorium like there used to be for smoking? It would be such a relief for all those people who are worried about malnutrition during a two hour movie. They can chomp away on their noisy tacos and crisps together.

...and another thing

There is an exception….. Unhealthy maybe, but the quietest snack food ever invented. Hot Dogs. I love ‘em. Those you can eat anywhere.

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3 Comments

  1. Avatar Magda says:

    Clever thinking indeed, so when will we see “shussshhh’ biodegradable packaging in cinemas or theaters 😉 ?
    As for Hot Dogs, I agree…I had my first one as a kid in Spain in the 80s. It was a new thing there with hamburgers…So after verifying with the restaurant owner that they were not killed little dogs mashed up in a roll with ketchup and mustard I bought one with my grand-parents pocket money 😉
    The Spanish called the sausage sandwich “Perrito Caliente” which literaly translates : “little hot dog” 😉 So imagine an 8 year old girl passing in front of the new restaurant seeing written in big bold red : Perrito Caliente 😉
    I passed various times in front of the restaurant, shocked and curious at the time, before getting the courage to walk in and ask the man if they were really selling dog in a sandwich 😉
    He laughed a lot, and then told me that no, it wasn’t dog but admitted that the name could bring some confusion.
    In those days it was quite common to eat in that region of Spain : pig ears, frog legs, snails…
    But never had I heard or seen anyone eat dogs.
    So it seemed bizarre and a bit disgusting, to find a place where they could possibly sell such food to humans 😉

  2. Avatar Bec tolley says:

    I am the culprit of counting out loose change from my wallet…

    We have Apple TV with large screen … We can do and eat what we want…

  3. Avatar Margie says:

    This is fun. I love hot dogs, too. Looking forward to the book, Mr.Amazing!