May I introduce a new dog food

Why...

Do my pets eschew their favourite tin of Kanga chunks and chew my furniture instead? Even if dimmer than a 5 watt bulb, any dog should get into it’s head that the only source of food and water is its owner. In return for a bit of tail wagging, face licking and barking at intruders, the pooch gets sustenance. A recent report showed that next to perish after humans, in a nuclear winter will be man’s best friend. Certainly if they are so confused after centuries of domestication between the nutritional value of a bone, squirrel or cat tail as opposed to the chosen smorgasbord of pic’n’mix delicacies like tennis racquets, running shoes or a chair, they deserve their fate.

...and another thing

On the other hand, maybe my dogs are making a statement?

“The colours on those trainers don’t go with your track suit.”

“You spend too much time on your fat ass in that chair as opposed to taking me for a walk.”

“Watching you play tennis is an embarrassment. I am just putting the racquet out of its misery.”

Sadly, of all the years I owned a dog as a kid, the one thing it never did was eat my homework.

If your hounds are going to eat things that aren’t nutritious, they should at least eat things we want to get rid of. Like parking tickets, letters from the IRS or Jehovah’s Witnesses. Election campaign canvassers should be high on the list too.

...and another thing

Now each time my wife and I go out and leave the dogs in the kitchen, we reflect on their past snacks. A chair, a table, two cushions and a basket for logs. Is that really what constitutes a five star meal… or do they simply hate our style of decor?

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One Comment

  1. Avatar Magda says:

    Hello Mr Grenside,

    I hope that you are well.

    Maybe your dogs are trying to tell you that :

    – you don’t feed them enough,
    – they don’t like that the food they are getting,
    – they are bored…, and destroy what their tiny can get hold of 😉

    May be you should hung a piece of plastic rubber and they can play with it ???

    Take care,

    Magda