Beep ♫. I am sorry you have passed your sell by date

Why...

Do we insist on putting meaningless sell-by dates on foods? For example, honey does not spoil. Indeed some amphora of honey were discovered in a burial tomb in Egypt and the content was perfectly edible. The golden liquid was put in the jar centuries before the founders of Tesco or Safeway were an itch in their father’s underpants. My supermarket salt has a sell by date on it. Doh! Whether it came from the Red Sea or the Bay of Biscay it has been round for longer than you or I. My wife and mother –in-law are obsessed by sell by dates and won’t have a word said against them. I am sure if I put a bunch of rocks in a bag with a sell by date on them and left them in the fridge, they would be gone on the appointed day! I try to explain that if this time frame argument had any validity we would all be paying more for a 2016 California Zinfandel than a fusty old 1945 bottle of Petrus, let alone US$225, 000 for a 1787 bottle of Margaux.

...and another thing

Urban myth dictated that certain junk food (examples rumored to include the late lamented Twinkies) only put a sell by date on the wrapper to stop any embarrassment from the fact their food was indestructible and would outlive a nuclear attack. Am I mistaken or is Roddy McDowell (Cornelius) in the first Planet of the Apes with Charlton Heston quietly chewing on a Ho-Ho?

...and another thing

When did a restaurant licensing laws become the equivalent of a doctor’s certificate? In London certain boroughs (c’mon put your hands up councillors from Kensington & Chelsea, and City of Westminster) now forbid me to order a rare hamburger but allow Steak Tartar on the same menu! Liver has the consistency of a squash ball if not cooked pink but at the wonderful Keeper’s Lodge at the Royal Academy last night I was told I could only have it cooked well done!!! This is insanity. Are we not going to disbar the health risks of Diet Coke, Absinth on the rocks let alone the puffer fish sushi killer of Fugu, yet prevent me having a raw egg in my Bullshot to get over a hangover? I am more likely to suffer a heart attack at the size of the bill than eating any forbidden foods. In a restaurant I want a waiter or waitress, not a nanny.

However as for myself, plenty of friends are now suggesting if I pointed a supermarket scanner at my head it would indeed beep “This item is well passed its sell by date.”

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2 Comments

  1. Avatar Yum Yum says:

    Ha ha …..another LOL moment in my life …..the image of a supermarket scanner and your head is really hilarious!