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All posts in category: Fasion Health & Beauty

Forget Border Control at Airports ... Where are the Fashion Police?

  • April 13, 2025
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Do common sense and dress sense also take a holiday when people fly? There was a time when people actually dressed up when they travelled, especially by air. It was glamorous and everyone wanted to get in on the act. Huge dark sunglasses and silk scarves wrapped around heads like Grace Kelly and men aching to look as cool as Sinatra, Davis and Martin in snappy suits or slacks, pullovers, and penny loafers Over the decades travel started to go down hill and the glamour was traded for cattle herding. However, there was still some point in looking good instead of like a refugee from an all-nighter, as you might get bounced up a class if you looked the part. But even that glimmer of hope has gone as check-in would rather upgrade a plastic influencer with an IQ to match their shoe size  than a Nobel prize winner. Nowadays, unless you can hop on a NetJets, you are just a hunk of meat needed to be cattle prodded from airport point A to airport point B. And a vast number of travellers display the same sense of behaviour as our bovine four legged friends.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

It’s all about kit

  • October 6, 2024
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Sport Technology Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Are we obsessed with accessories? It doesn’t matter whether it’s macrame or motor cars, fishing or falconry, shooting or skateboarding, any hobby is really about the kit. I have been a scuba diver since before I got my driving license. I was actually taught to dive by the crew from Jacques Cousteau’s Calypso while on R & R anchored in Bandol in the South of France My equipment consisted of a horseshoe like vest that was the precursor to a BCD jacket. I had a depth gauge, mask, fins and a crude weight belt with a simple hook and eye clasp. Tank was hung over my back with a webbing like belt.  Didn’t even have an air gauge. Just a coat hanger like lever to pull when air got tight and that was my safety reserve! I was diving here in Malta last week in balmy autumn weather with people looking like knights in suits of armour. Dry suits, rebreathers, knives, torches, compass, dive computer, electric dive scooter, emergency tank, booties, gloves, and I’m sure a couple of people added a kitchen sink to the dive bag attached to their waist. All this clobber was there for one reason. Kit. Every time a diver enters a dive shop there is always something there ready to separate you from hard earned cash. New kit is katnip. It can be as simple as a ball on a rubber ring that fits around your tank and you can flick to make a banging noise to attract attention right the way up to a full face mask with radio walky talky ability. I’m amazed that Deliveroo are not on speed dial to deliver extra goodies while hanging around at a decompression stop. The same endless list of goodies are available to snowboard and winter skiers, parachute jumpers, golfers, fishermen, classic car enthusiasts and cooks. I have drawers stuffed full of kitchen gadgets that at one time or another seemed essential but are now just future landfill.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Growing old is mandatory Growing up is optional

  • July 27, 2024
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Life
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Can’t we see that our views on age are just relative to ourselves. Right now I think of myself around mid-forties until I am reminded I have a son nudging fifty. Yet when I was seventeen I remember being very sad that Clint Eastwood was 40 when he made Dirty Harry and thus was in the twilight years of his career. I sighed that Debbie Harry of Blondie had found stardom so late in life at 33. I am sure President Biden looks at Jagger and Richards prancing around as rock gods on stage and the same age as him, wistfully wishing he would be allowed to do the same thing but the decorum of his office prevents it. I mean, he knows he could do it.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I am still scared of the dentist - My dog should be too!

  • July 22, 2023
  • Animals/Pets Fasion Health & Beauty Technology
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Does mentioning the dentist to me still bring up images of Lawrence Oliver and Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man?

I suspect my generation are the last of those truly frightened of dentists as we grew up in the white heat of torture during the 1960’s. Back then my dentist thought you were a cissy if you wanted novocaine for a filling, and scrapped tartar of my teeth with a grouting tool. Even now in Malta, with a fabulous dentist who has not inflicted even a tickle during a visit, I still get cold sweats as I go through the doors. I swear he has cloven hoofs and a tail poking out from under his white garment.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Whatever happened to bath time?

  • May 14, 2023
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Friends Sex
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

Do I nearly always shower? A long soak in the tub comes from an era when things were less hurried. Bath time for me now evokes a period in England that is ‘mid Agatha Christie’. Milk was delivered to your door and fruit flavoured ice lollies contained no actual fruit, only additives. Women wore A line skirts and no one ever swore on TV. Any form of ablution was to be enjoyed, be it a bath full of ducks, battleships or even other playmates! And nearly always at the end of the day so you could take as long as wanted. Morning showers have sort of crept up on me as the only way to clean. I have lived for two years in this house and whose bath is a whirlpool. In that time the only things ever washed in it have been the dogs! As a kid the idea of a whirlpool bath would have offered more fun than an aircraft hanger sized slot car track. Creating bubbles without having to fart would have been nirvana; the idea it was big enough for all your friends to splash about would have been so exciting that I would have performed household chores just to be able to have a bath like that!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

R.I.P. MIDDLE AGE

  • March 5, 2023
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Friends Kids/Family/Relations Sex Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Am I not dressed in grey leather shoes and polyester trousers?

One of the casualties of every generation since the Silent Generation (1935-1950), has been the demise of Middle Age.

Right now, the only limits to me behaving as I did in my youth are physical.

I do not own a tartan coloured shopping trolley with matching tartan booties. I don’t possess a cardigan, a pipe or a jacket with leather elbow pads. Nor, do I endlessly suck on a Werther's Original caramel or have a glass by my bedside for dentures.

Right now, if you take a photo of a group of a hundred people, they may display their own tribal colours but within that tribe, between the ages of 25-65, are actually pretty alike.

Yet when I look at photos of my salad days and at people now my age, they all appear distinctly different to the youth that’s with them. The women are all dressed in ‘A’ line skirts surrounded by Tupperware containers. The men either have a comb-over or a short back and sides haircut, and are in ties and lace up brogues, even on weekends. Folk barely fifteen years younger are in jeans, with varying lengths of hair and a perpetual grin on their faces.

All the middle aged were so different from the youth. They all respected the speed limit and positions of authority. The men shaved every day but the women never did. Married couples were rarely able to travel beyond home shores and certainly never ate food that was not either frozen or a domestic recipe. There was fear of the foreign rather than curiosity. And nearly all had the same job in the same firm all their lives. Sad.

My generation has actually found the secret to eternal youth. Act like you want, not how you should.

I may now wake up with a sixty-year old’s body, but my mind and mannerisms are distinctly those of a thirty-five year old. I ignore that old man as I get in my car for a blast down a country road, work out in a gym or cuddle my beloved wife.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Twenty goes into sixty a lot more times than sixty goes into twenty

  • January 22, 2023
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Love Sex
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Do the media nearly always portray the old rich guy who gets the trophy wife, rather than the Merry Widow snagging a twenty year old toy boy? Let’s face it, when it comes to old age women have us men beat. Today’s female grey wolves were lucky enough to have bought property fifty years ago for the current price of a Plasma TV screen. When their other half sadly shuffles off the mortal coil some widows will have amassed considerable fortunes. Male goldmines are still hotwired by nature to their groin, so most gold diggers come in one size fits all sugar daddy model; a trout mouth pneumatic busted blond, often with an IQ rating matching their shoe size. There is nothing wrong with that. I always remember the ecstatic grin on the wheelchair bound J.Howard Marshall who married playmate of the year Anna Nicole Smith. But women have a far more eclectic selection process. Obviously fit and toned but this new age toy boy is going to have work hard for the money.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

🎶 Rudolf the red nose reindeer, 🎵 Had a very shiny nose … due to alcohol and drug abuse?

  • December 18, 2022
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Kids/Family/Relations Sex
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

Are so many nursery rhymes and fairy tales hidden stories of sex drugs and booze? Let’s start with Rudolf. The only way you have a shiny red nose is excessive booze or cocaine; in which case he certainly should not be driving late at night over vast distances and at warp factor speeds. Snow White. So are we really to believe she lives with seven men and no one tries any hanky panky? Then there are the names. Bashful, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc and Sneezy are all as a result of cocaine. Hence, Snow White. Ah, I see that’s got you all thinking now! We all know Samuel Taylor Coleridge was high as a kite dreaming of Kubla Khan, Xanadu and The Pleasure Dome, when the postman woke him up... only time I suspect he was not happy to have a package delivered. Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass are an absolute drug smorgasbord. Alice is constantly eating magic mushrooms or drinking (laudanum) potions that have a dramatic effect on her. The caterpillar and his (opium) pipe, the white (cocaine) rabbit who is continually and frenetically running about saying he is late, and a cat stoned off his whiskers who simply vanishes.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I want to be left alone - TV and magazine interviews on exactly why, to follow.

  • December 12, 2022
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Fasion Health & Beauty Friends Sex Technology
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Do some people who shriek for privacy, remind me of a quote from Hamlet, “The lady doth protest too much, me thinks”. In days gone by, certain people really meant it when they withdrew from the limelight.  Every female mimic in the world vamps us as Greta Garbo famously saying “Dahlink, I vant to be left alone”. The difference then was the Swedish icon stuck to it. No frantic interviews as to why she wanted to pull away from the public, an oxymoron of an event if ever there was one. She retreated to Manhattan and her art collection. Manhattan! Can you imagine that? No seeking out the paparazzi and in the one of the most publicity hungry cities on earth. At the height of her fame and beauty she had decided to retreat from the world, possibly due to the negative reviews of The Two Faced Woman. She was 36. The title of that failed movie is pretty ironic when you look at the two-faced women since, who have protested their desire for privacy but who continue seeking the limelight and would attend even the opening of a fridge.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

🎶Memories are made of this🎵

  • December 4, 2022
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Fasion Health & Beauty Finance/Law Food & Drink Friends Kids/Family/Relations Sex Sport Technology
  • View all 3 Comments
Why...

Can nostalgia be dangerous? Brrrm Brrrm! Walking straight onto a plane with no security checks Carrying my speargun as cabin baggage in a plane First and business class transatlantic flights with no beds Airplane tickets made by travel agents only Smoking carriages on the subway/smoking sections on a plane Asking what is the movie on the plane Hovercraft to France Railway carriages with compartments and corridors Going for a Sunday drive 101 Octane Fuel Buses with conductors Driving without a seatbelt Just a radio with a single speaker in the car Spare tyres in cars No speed limits on motorways Electric Milk Floats Parking meters fed with coins

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Fill her up with four star, a packet of crisps, a bottle of Bordeaux and a butt plug please

  • September 18, 2022
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Sex Technology Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Does the content mix of goods on display in some stores surprise me? I was recently in a small hillside village in the South of France when I stopped at the local gas station just outside town. It was a small family run business, not part of a major chain. When I went inside to pay, whilst I stood in the queue, I idly looked at the stuff on display. Oil, antifreeze, air freshener, alcohol (it’s France) then came across dildos, a massive butt plug and handcuffs. Enterprising as this may be, I just don’t see if you popped in for a few litres of fuel, you might suddenly decide… “Ah yes, I need a new butt plug.” Conversely, if you did need such toys, the last place I would think of to go and buy them would be my local garage. It’s not as if this was a major artery where long distance lorry drivers would pull in and buy themselves some personal amusement as they slept overnight in the car park. When it came to paying the elderly grey haired lady behind the till, I was so tempted to ask if she stocked any French ticklers. So now I have started to actively look for the unexpected in shops. Amazing. Dr. Scholl’s shoes in my greengrocer’s, rat poison in my office supply shop and ‘Jesus loves you’ ties and ‘Jesus saves’ Band-Aids at the local coffee shop.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

It only has to do one thing

  • July 30, 2022
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Technology
  • View all 2 Comments
Why...

Is it so difficult for simple things to do the one thing they were designed for? We have a set of drawers in our bathroom in the built in cabinets around the sink. However, they are all coy. Instead of fully opening they half open. I have checked the runners etc. They are specifically designed only to be drawn out half their depth! I spend my life with my arm half bent rummaging around at the dark recess of the back for medicines, pills, chargers and other bathroom paraphernalia having to sweep them to the front so I can see them. I would really like to meet that designer and warmly shake him by the throat.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Why a spring break is like a Pringle

  • May 29, 2022
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Fasion Health & Beauty Friends Kids/Family/Relations Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

During two years of lockdown and feeling like Papillon on Devil’s Island, locked in and no way out, my wife and I took the sports car to Sicily then on to Calabria and Puglia in the boot of Italy. The problem was we did not want to come home. After being cooped up in Malta, an island so small you could carpet it in an afternoon, the sense of freedom was overwhelming. And just like a single Pringle, a short break is not nearly enough. Had we not had two pooches waiting for us, we would be in Croatia by now on the way to Istanbul!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

🎶 Here comes summer … or does it?

  • May 1, 2022
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Life Technology
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Is the weather schizophrenic? Winter this year has behaved like the house guest who outstays his or her welcome. I have to admit that summer 2021 was hot enough to poach an egg in my underpants, therefore I was relieved for the respite of a winter chill. However, it’s now the beginning of May , yet Nanook of the North would have pulled on extra clothing over Easter here in Malta. Grey skies, a wind that could yank the eyebrows off your face and rain horizontal enough to win a limbo dance competition. Today the sun is shining but according to the forecast, it’s a deception worthy of David Copperfield (the magician, not the Dickens character). In a few days time, the temperature is set to drop low enough to make my pubic hair crackle; so the Ambre Solaire will go back in the cupboard and out will come my hot water bottle.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I never know what to put in each recycle bin

  • April 10, 2022
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Life Technology
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Do I have so many types of garbage bins when I deeply suspect it all goes into one galopata galopata machine anyway? Don’t get me wrong, I am doing my best to save the planet, whether it means only cleaning my belly button with a Q-tip once a month, or recycling my dogs poop by tossing it over the wall onto my next door neighbours’ geraniums. But bins?  I have a battalion of these things standing to attention outside my door. The list is endless. Bins for bottles without screw top collar, sacks for those with them… and then subdivided between clear green and brown. 6 just for glass. Life is all receptacles for spectacles, crates for ash from grates, containers for retainers, hoppers for party poppers and repositories for suppositories. The subdivision for rubbish has gone mad. Surely what burns easily and is non synthetic like paper, real food, clothing and coffee grinds in one and synthetics like plastic, tin and any takeaway food in the other… and maybe one for glass.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Who took in my trousers?

  • March 6, 2022
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Sex Sport Work
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

Is getting dressed in normal clothes again proving so hard?

As we emerge blinking into the post COVID light (or Putin’s nuclear Armageddon) it is time to put away elasticised tracksuits, have a shave and put on shoes not sneakers.

It was in fact a relief to trim my beard as I was starting to look like Grizzly Adams. Tying up shoelaces took a bit of practice but I got there. Knotting my first tie in two and a half years was a challenge. I also tried to tie a bow tie. The result looked like a drunken moth.

Trousers were something else. When did the tailor fairies come into my house and take all my trousers in? I had to shoehorn myself into my smart trousers recently. If I sneezed my fly zipper would have come undone.

This is all a bit of a puzzle as I thought during lockdown that the times we weren’t opening and closing the fridge, expecting each time for it to have different content, people were superglued to their Pelaton machine, doing a one legged pigeon pose or just having sex. It appears this is as fictional as the Downing Street parties. Someone has inserted a Space hopper into me.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Officer. Arrest that man. His clothes fit

  • October 18, 2021
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Finance/Law Technology Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Do policemen look like they have been shrink-wrapped?

Maybe it’s rose-tinted spectacles but back in the day when all policemen looked older than me, I don’t recall them being shoehorned into clothing three sizes too small for them.

Nowadays they all seem to be trying to burst out of their uniforms. I understand the theory is… it makes them look intimidating and gives you less to hang onto in case you get into a scuffle. Quite how clothing tighter than a sausage skin is meant to be intimidating, I am not sure. However, judging by the actual size of many policemen, I reckon I could hop faster than they could run. Why scuffle if a brisk walk will leave a Bobby panting like a pug in the Sahara?

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Going going going. Sold to you sir. Expect to die horribly

  • October 3, 2021
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Finance/Law Sex
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Buy criminals belongings at auction?

I read with interest recently that no one in Mexico was interested in buying one of Joaquin ‘El Chapo’ Guizman’s hideouts; he being the cocaine kingpin and fervent underground burrower who eventually was brought to justice.

So the government gave it away in a special lottery, no doubt with the the strap line ‘this time your number really is up.”

Who in their right mind would buy anything confiscated from a mass murdering thug who has a propensity to escape jail. Even if he didn’t get out you can be sure as hell if something was still buried there a baddie would be round to dig it up……and put the new owners in the hole instead.

Same thing if you buy a luxury yacht or jet! Who knows what booby traps are still on these things and remain undetected? One minute you open a locker door below decks to what you think gives access to the pipes in the blocked head (loo) next minute you reveal neatly stacked cellophane wrapped blocks of cocaine before ka-boom and you are in Davy Jones’ locker.

It’s not like your relatives are going to sue the Government. ‘Caveat Emptor’ would be my position if I was the City Official who sold it at auction. “What do you expect to find hidden if you go poking about in some narco king-pin’s favorite toy? A Christmas tree?”

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Be still my beating heart. No, I’m not lovestruck. I am about to get on a plane

  • August 29, 2021
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Am I so excited to get on a plane again?

After a catalogue of medical oopsy-daisies and the dreaded Covid lurgy-lockdown, my wife and I board the big silver bird soon. For me, the first time in 20 months. Love Malta as I do, you can carpet it in an afternoon. I have increasingly felt like Dustin Hoffman or Steve McQueen in Papillon, waiting to jump off a cliff with a net bag full of coconut shells to drift away to somewhere new.

I really don’t know what to expect at the departing or arriving airports. It appears things are totally random. When my wife flew to the USA earlier this month the words Covid or vaccination were never uttered in Washington DC, yet as she flew out of Frankfurt she was made to feel she should be hermetically sealed and vacuum packed. We have friends who have been grilled with more questions than a debrief of a defecting spy, while others drifted through without ever producing a vaccine certificate. As usual there is no consistency or joined up writing between what various health ministries decree and what happens on the ground

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I need a degree in physics to work in my kitchen

  • July 5, 2021
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Technology
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Has my kitchen overtaken scuba diving or GoPro as the haven of gadgets…many of which are meant to save time and patently don’t?

Let me start by contradicting myself in saying the oldest gadget I possess is a pressure cooker. This indeed is a miracle machine capable of making mashed potatoes in six minutes and Osso Buco in under an hour instead of five. However, recently just as slowly and surely as the pressure valve drops from maximum to minimum when you let it cool, my own love affair is no longer hot and steamy. It is dropping off. But it makes no sense.

The blame for this is Sous vide cooking. Essentially sealing food in a vacuum packed plastic bag and plonking it into a bowl of water. What looks like a giant hand whisk standing in the bowl raises water to a very specific temperature and keeps it there. In theory you can never again overcook anything but you can cook something for three days to improve taste and tenderness. For me, it works. Especially on tough cuts of meat like brisket and tip, ribs or even Osso Buco. These can take between two to four days. But even a roast chicken at eight hours is fabulous.

But now rather than half an hour before dinner wondering what to eat, I am pestering my wife at breakfast what she fancies for dinner the day after tomorrow. And there lies the rub. Hunger is a funny thing. You know what you want right now but never in a couple of days. Let alone when crossing meal times. Breakfast with Rice Krispies is never a moment to contemplate whether you want Coq au vin or spag bog!

Like a Pavlovian dog, if someone mentions Chinese food just before I am due to eat, lights and switches go off inside me and not even pot of Beluga caviar followed by Wagyu beef in the Sous vide will deter me from some dim sum and Peking duck. Even if it’s crap!

Same with pizza. I can be sitting there gently watching my four day Oxtail  become a thing of epicurean wonder and ready to serve but my wife only has to say. “You know I actually fancy pizza and “the best laid plans of Mice and Men…etc, etc, etc.”

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

What is rss? "rss" is about getting live web feeds
directly to your computer.