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See all posts for August2020

Now you can only go into the bank wearing a mask

  • August 16, 2020
  • Food & Drink Life Technology
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

Has common sense been swept away by Covid-19? There was a time if the police stopped your car while out on a date and they found rubber gloves, a mask, duct tape and a chemical suit in the trunk they would suspect you of being right out of CSI. Now you are just a responsible citizen. I stood in line at our fabulous farmer’s market today watching a woman in a mask and gloves take both off to sniff and squeeze at least a dozen melons. Then she replaced her protective gear, happy that she was safe, but all the melons were now toxic. Every store now has a hand pump ready to spit out who knows what on your hands. After a day, my paws look like red swollen baseball mitts. Let alone the fire hazard. This stuff not only is highly inflammable but has no flame. Light up a fag and you may not realise your fist is on fire until your fingers start to go crispy! And shoe shops are utterly mad. You have to try on shoes with half your leg wrapped in an overgrown condom! You can’t see what the shoe looks like and I just don’t see how this avoids anyone catching the dreaded lurgie.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Whatever happened to bath time?

  • August 9, 2020
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Friends Sex
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

Do I nearly always shower? A long soak in the tub comes from an era when things were less hurried. Bath time for me now evokes a period in England that is ‘mid Agatha Christie’. Milk was delivered to your door and fruit flavoured ice lollies contained no actual fruit, only additives. Women wore A line skirts and no one ever swore on TV. Any form of ablution was to be enjoyed, be it a bath full of ducks, battleships or even other playmates! And nearly always at the end of the day so you could take as long as wanted. Morning showers have sort of crept up on me as the only way to clean. I have lived for two years in this house and whose bath is a whirlpool. In that time the only things ever washed in it have been the dogs! As a kid the idea of a whirlpool bath would have offered more fun than an aircraft hanger sized slot car track. Creating bubbles without having to fart would have been nirvana; the idea it was big enough for all your friends to splash about would have been so exciting that I would have performed household chores just to be able to have a bath like that!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Never ask for directions and other essential tourist information...

  • August 1, 2020
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Food & Drink Sport Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Do I know more about where I visit than where I live? If you want to amuse yourself in a city you are visiting ask directions to a made up address. If it's slightly rude… even better. Piddle Lane, Butt Hole Road, Divorce Court or (my favourite) Camel Toe Drive. (These in fact all exist). Nine times out of ten the person you ask will point you with utter certainty in the direction of your fictitious address. Locals never, ever, can be seen to know less than a foreigner. It is a maxim that you are always better informed of the cities you visit than the ones you live in. Most foreigners know far more than I do about London....and I lived there off and on for fifty years. The last time I viewed the Crown Jewels at the Tower of London, TV was black and white and The Beatles wore suits. My most recent visit to the British Museum was with my toddler son......who is now a pilot! However I visit the Louvre every time I am in Paris and the Met every time I'm in New York. I would rather kiss a politician than go to the Opera in London but in Vienna it's a must. If you do want true culture always search out a local museum. There are only so many Botticelli's a man can see in a day but how about the Phallogical (gentleman's sausage) Museum in Reykjavik, Iceland? You can compare notes with the Condom Museum in Bangkok or Sex Museum in Amsterdam? Got the kids? No problem. There are Barbie museums in Paris, Rome and Montreal or a Cup Noodle Museum in Osaka.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

What is rss? "rss" is about getting live web feeds
directly to your computer.