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See all posts for January2017

Put that fork down....you racist

  • January 27, 2017
  • Friends
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

Has the colour chart been hijacked to become a race related battleground? I already commented how the names of famous books and characters have been clubbed by the moral batons of the self-appointed guardians of our morality When did you last read The Dark Nag? Now it's the use of colour. Mohammed Ali at his zenith would rail against Devil's chocolate cake being black and that Angel cake was white. Ali, genius of a communicator as he was, was simply making a point with humour, the shock tactic being used to make us think. He was far too smart and assumed we were also, for him to be taken literally. He knew perfectly well that it is the dress of the angels, not the angels themselves that are white and black is the colour of the night when Devils (themselves usually the colour of condemned veal) prance about. Of course there have been and still are some pretty offensive food names; Red Indian Sweets, Eskimo Pies, Darkie Toothpaste and even Aunt Jemima has had more make overs than Madonna. But if you really want to go down the food argument it doesn't even hold water in its own mad swamp of logic. Many foods that are naturally black in colour are better for us than their white equivalent: Caviar vs whitefish eggs (let alone Cadbury cream eggs), Guinness vs Milk, Blackbread vs white processed bread, Black sausage as opposed to Bratwurst, Balsamic Vinegar vs Malt Vinegar, Dark Chocolate rather than Milk (let alone white chocolate), Black Camargue Rice as opposed to long grain white rice. However the literal interpreters have taken over our language and shoved common sense down a black hole... Oops my bad. The term black hole term caused offence when used by a Texas official a while ago during an address. An apology was demanded. Doh. It's a black hole because no light escapes it. How can that possibly infer anything to do with the colour of someone's skin? The use of the word niggardly by a Washington official received a strong complaint from two City officials. This is an example of where sanity and education stop being even on nodding terms. The official's real crime was using a ten dollar word in a two cent conversation; mixing with people whose knowledge of the English language would not fill an M & M (of any colour). Come on, if you want to (quite correctly) attack bigotry, don't make yourself look stupid.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I have seen the future…my dog.

  • January 20, 2017
  • Animals/Pets Life
  • View all 2 Comments
Why...

Can my dog Cato teach me about old age, certainly better than most people? My oldest dog is now 13½ (94 in dog years) and is showing traits and remarkable similarities to an older grumpier me. We both need to go for a pee in the middle of the night, are not fans of rap music, enjoy a long crap, doze in front of the TV and snore at night with intermittent gas leaks. We prefer our food cut into smaller portions, become remarkably deaf when nagged by my wife. However hearing is perfect if Cato hears a tin of Kanga Chunks being opened from 100 metres and a a faint cat’s meow on a TV show. For me it’s the pop of a cork out of a bottle or someone opening a packet of Malteasers. With this advanced age you would hope he has gained knowledge from experience, as I hope at least I have. However pugs have a brain the size of a satsuma so he still believes the vacuum cleaner is Satan’s willy and to be savagely bitten; the ping made by the Apple TV remote is The Archangel’s call for him to bark. One of our greatest pleasures is to go for a walk….or rather I and his much younger brother Notty go for a walk whilst he sits imperiously in his dog pram. Does this mean I am also heading for a 'bath chair' in my dotage? Now before you all blink in disbelief at such a thing go look on Google as to how many different dog pram manufacturers there are let alone models. Believe me the guy who came out with the first one is sitting on a beach somewhere clutching a drink with an umbrella in it, a toy boy or toy girl at his or her side and the day’s biggest problem is whether to have cracked crab or lobster for lunch. What we both are especially fond of is going for a drive and spending the week-end at some country hotel. However not all welcome pooches. There needs to be a Michelin Guide for pet friendly hotels and inns. “OK Mark let me have a look... heated dog basket, choice of bottled waters to drink from, bones in the mini bar and a rub down in the health spa by a French Poodle. Book it.”

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

I'm sorry. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

  • January 13, 2017
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Life Technology
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Are we so surprised that people die. It's the one reliable thing all humans do. In 2016 some people believe that the Grim Reaper cruelly took his scythe and cut down a larger than normal number of celebrities. Of course it's nonsense. It's a statistical certainty that every year more and more famous people die as fame itself exploded in the fifties and sixties by quintupling the number of celebs with the advent of TV and pop stars. Sadly some are just getting old or a lifetime's effect of drugs and booze takes its toll. (OK I can't explain Keith Richards. Does he actually cast a shadow? Has anyone seen him out in sunlight?) Not only has the internet given us professional offendees (http://andanotherthin.wpengine.com/so-who-made-you-a-professional-offendee/#andanotherthing) but now we have remote mourners. Allegedly Clint Eastwood said the strangest by product of being famous for a long time is people believe, as you have been part of their life, they somehow are a part of yours. This must explain the tsunami of tears that drown out every other aspect of news when someone famous shuffles off the mortal coil. People openly howl with grief, lay out flowers and even take a day off work when pop star Bent Axl, sixties glamour puss Lavinia Nightly or TV reality star Booty Licious pegs it but care not a hoot for a hobo who died in the street. Please don't tell me one life is worth the same as another. In the mourning stakes column inches in the tabloids is directly related to decibel level of global wailing.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Cornflakes, the world’s best glue…

  • January 6, 2017
  • Food & Drink Life
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Does the holiday season always seem to involve glue? I suppose presents littered about the floor like plastic landmines, mixed with your best china on the table, kids so hopped up on sugar they could give Usain Bolt trouble at the 100 metres and unstable guests who have spent six hours gargling your booze, means that people inevitably fall over and things get broken. Yet despite claims that new superglues can attach a hippo to a space rocket on lift off, in my experience no glue ever works. In fact the only thing glue is brilliantly good at, is unsticking my temper.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

What is rss? "rss" is about getting live web feeds
directly to your computer.