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See all posts for January2019

Oscar night.....just has me riveted to my seat

  • January 24, 2019
  • Finance/Law Technology Work
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Give a damn about the Oscars? The whole thing has got further up its arse than a proctologist’s middle finger. No one cares, because the last decade’s nominated movies are quasi arthouse that do not resonate with the audience. In an attempt to show making movies is really all abaht aaaart, dahling, the Academy has recently become all coy about nominating truly mass appeal movies. And who was responsible for this sudden fit of hubris, a desire to show a more cultured less crass side of the entertainment industry? A man imbued with a strong sense of the aspirations of the pinnacle of quality and not our baser instincts; Harvey Weinstein. Pay attention Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. You want to know why the Oscar shindig is as exciting as watching toast getting cold? Try looking at the movies you allow to get nominated....let alone win! The last ten years’ winners were , LaLa Land, Moonlight, Spotlight, Birdman, 12 Years a Slave, Argo, The Artist, The King’s Speech, The Hurt Locker, Slumdog Millionaire. I can barely remember what most of these are about? They may be worthy but are minnows compared with the 1970’s. The winners that decade were: Patton, The French Connection, The Godfather, The Sting, The Godfather Part II, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Rocky, Annie Hall, The Deer Hunter, Kramer vs Kramer. You’ve probably seen them all, and I can pretty clearly remember the stories even though released 40-50 years ago. US viewer audience for 1970 Oscars 55.2 million. US viewer audience last year, 26.5 million The only thing that sank faster was The Titanic (one of the last broad appeal movies to win back in 1997/8). I am pretty certain neither Rocky, Patton nor The Sting if made now, would even be nominated. So dear fellows and voters of the Academy, try and remember you are in the ENTERTAINMENT Industry. Get back to your roots and out of your ego. Start nominating movies that mean something to the general public and they might watch the awards!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

POA... the dumbest words on any advertisement!

  • January 19, 2019
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Finance/Law Life Technology
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Does any advertiser not understand that POA/ Price on Application actually stands for Pisses Off Anyone? When idly leafing through a six-month-old copy of Country Life at the dentist, I am amazed at the practice of sticking POA against the price of some of the houses advertised for sale. Same for when I pour over my monthly car porn magazines and fantasise about which classic car I might buy when my ship comes in (and after I have suitably bribed my wife with whatever retail therapy most floats her boat). What is the logic behind Price On Application? It’s an immediate turn off. Is it because there is such heat in the market that from day of publication to day of printing that prices will inexorably rise? I thought in terms of property, that was illegal and called gazumping. You always agree a price with the vendor that’s as fixed as an airline stewardesses smile. We live in a digital age. Prices can be checked and compared in a nano-second. Is the advertiser insinuating: “So, pay attention here. Most of you great unwashed, don’t get your hopes up. You cannot afford it and I simply cannot be bothered to talk to anyone before I know he or she has the readies to cough up the ludicrous sum I don’t dare print.” This is appalling customer service as it forces me to pick up a phone or log on to reveal this nugget of information. My time is being wasted by this ludicrous printed version of the dance of the seven veils. Don’t be coy Mr. Advertiser. Show me what you got! On occasions when bored (usually when waiting at airports) I give in to the devil in me and ring the offending advertiser: “Good morning. I wonder if you would tell me the price you are asking for the ‘Gilt-Palace-Nightmare’ in Dubai or ‘Please-stop-and-arrest-me-gold-plated-yuk-wagon’ advertised in the current edition of Shiny Things I can’t Really Afford?” When given the number, my unerring response is: “That cheap! No wonder you did not want to advertise the price as it shows how little you know about market value.” Sit back and then listen to a ten-minute barrage of self-important claptrap. It passes the time before boarding.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Big brother is watching... while serving you bacon and eggs

  • January 10, 2019
  • Animals/Pets Kids/Family/Relations Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Do I get paranoid about waiters who hover and watch over me?

We have just returned from an exercise in fear that my wife called a holiday in Nepal. Somewhere around 50 years old I turned from someone happy to do a handstand on the top of the 50 metre/160 ft high Roman Aqueduct The Pont du Gard to becoming afraid of heights. When I was in my twenties, before a litany of accidents, I was scared of nothing. Fall off a horse a few times and suddenly it gets harder to get back in that saddle. Therefore the knocks and bangs from reckless adventuring in my life has annoyingly driven fear through experience into my psyche. The self preservation instinct has turned me from Leo the Lion into The Cowardly Lion.

Nevertheless I was always told to face down your fears... so not to be outdone by my fearless (and younger) wife, I gritted my teeth through a helicopter ride across Annapurna range and a plane ride to Mount Everest! Added to this was a jump off Mount Annapurna in a hang glider and a trip on the world’s fastest (120KPH 80 MPH) and longest (2km 1.2mile) zip line. Toss into that an encounter with several rhinos and a tiger... all without having to change my underpants.

My wife on the other hand thought all this a hoot and in every photo is seen grinning like Jack Nicholson in One flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest while I had the fixed manic smile when Jack played the Joker in Batman. I have tried to explain to her to make the most of it as soon, she too will be grabbed by old age jitters.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Extra! Extra! Read All About it... Actually we’d rather you didn’t which is why we put the extra costs in the fine print

  • January 5, 2019
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Life
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

Does a budget deal end up costing me more than the major players these guys are meant to be undercutting ?! I recently rented a car for a week in London. Using the magic of the internet I found a car rental from a hotel near Heathrow airport at a significant discount to the normal agencies. It was so cheap I was half expecting a pony and trap. I should have smelled a rat when I picked up the car. There was a near forensic search for scratches dings and dents. And it was raining. I just wanted the car, signed and jumped in. On returning the car the inspecting agent swore blind a tiny blemish caused by a minor stone chip or possibly a large wasp entitled them to deduct £220 from my deposit; making the car more expensive than it’s major brand competitors, most of whom would see a minute stone chip as normal wear and tear and not subject to a ludicrous additional cost. It will cost zip to repair. Car is black. A touch up pen. 15 seconds. Moaning in the cab that drove me to the terminal (another extra cost as the supposed shuttle bus was less regular than a 12 year old’s brushing his teeth). “Happens all the time mate. They seem to find dings on practically each return. Every punter I collect complains.  Not as cheap as you think, should take a taxi...” This has made me wonder if this nano nitpicking can be countered. The car was empty when I collected it and I was told there was a like for like policy but I returned it half full. Can I drain the excess fuel please? I want a refund for the microns of cotton rubbed off my trousers by the rough seat upholstery and a new set of soles for my shoes having scuffed against the pedals. Oh....and the £1,200  deposit they forced me to make because I declined to take out their sky high insurance ( the standard hefty extra hidden cost) is meant to be back in three working days.  But if it takes three weeks, you think I get interest? Pah, as likely as a tap dancing oyster! And no I am not irresponsible. I have a global rental car policy that pays ALL INSURANCE CLAIMS on rental cars for a premium of under £100 a year. This gnat scratch will be my first claim. I bet when I mention the name of the rental company they will be excluded from my renewal!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

What is rss? "rss" is about getting live web feeds
directly to your computer.