Another New Year. If you want to stay alive donât tell anyone how old you are...
Why...
Tell anyone your age? Â Brrrrrruce, a Greenland shark was unceremoniously hoicked out of his icy home recently and duly dissected by some scientists because they thought he might be quite old. All bad news for the aquatic carnivore but good news for those who care about other peopleâs ages as it appears Brrrruce could have been up to 512 years old; making him by far and away the worldâs oldest shark. (Sorry you lost your crown, Rupert Murdoch). However, on further investigation it appears Brrruce might only have been 272 years old. The research scientists needed some comparative analysis before they could nail down the exact number of birthday candles Brrrruce would have been entitled to, had they not caught him. âOh no,â I hear you exclaim. âHow could this be? What can we do? We must know his age. I insist we know the truth!â Simple. With a gobsmacking lack of irony, some propeller head in a wet suit said: âWe really need to capture another Greenland shark (i.e.kill it) and then using comparative analysis of the eyeballs we can be sure about the age of this first one. Trouble is these sharks are very rare and difficult to find........â If I was a Greenland shark and read this during my morning coffee and herring, Iâd be bloody impossible to find cos Iâd be diving under that melting ice cap and heading somewhere safe, like Japanese waters where at least I wonât be harpooned as I have zero attraction to Japanese diners.
