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See all posts for April2020

My new burglar alarm

  • April 16, 2020
  • Fasion Health & Beauty Finance/Law Food & Drink
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

Are some people in a mad rush to buy guns to protect themselves?

If I was a burglar, top of my list would be offices and closed shops where a smorgasbord of goodies are waiting for my light fingered touch. And no one to disturb me.

The last place I am going to want to visit is a house full of cooped up maniacs. However, if I did, I’d be brandishing enough firepower to storm Omaha beach or a riot on Black Friday.

In the remote chance that I was to choose a domestic target I would not go near a house with Covid-19. Simple.

 

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Three weeks in lockdown and I just got plastered

  • April 9, 2020
  • Life Travel/Nature
  • View all 2 Comments
Why...

Are my best efforts to behave thwarted? After weeks of lockdown and too many visits to the fridge, my wife mentioned if I were to go for a swim in the sea I would be in danger of being harpooned by a Japanese whaling ship. “Your trouser top button is social distancing from the the button hole. Get in the gym.” If you are in lockdown with one person, the most important thing is to avoid friction or it will end like Lizzie Borden giving each other whacks with an axe. I duly pulled on some shorts (with an elastic waistband that was stretched tighter than a banjo string) jumped on my cross trainer, lost my balance and promptly fell off. Instead of burning calories I bust my wrist. If there is a God, she has a pretty rough sense of humour. Luckily it’s my left hand. “Don’t think that means you can’t use the treadmill,” my wife warned after driving me back from hospital. So boring. “I’m not a bloody hamster on a wheel,” I replied. Instead I created  snaxercise. Open the fridge, bend down, take out ice cream, stand up, take a scoop, bend down, put back ice cream, close the door, stand up. Repeat thirty times.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

A-Tishoo, A-Tishoo We all fall down

  • April 2, 2020
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Food & Drink
  • View all 4 Comments
Why...

Does the Coronavirus remind me of a pop song? If you can remember Dexy’s Midnight Runners 1982 hit, every time I read COVID-19 it sounds like ‘Come on Eileen’. No doubt a re-release is coming. In fact, I wonder what song is going to be most associated with this virus? China’s cliche ridden “Believe Love Will Triumph” is so awful and self serving that it made my toes curl. China seems intent on giving the world gifts that keeps on giving. Avian Flu, SARS, Coronavirus I think Britney Spears “Oops I’ve done it again,” is far more appropriate. I just wonder how we can all show our gratitude? They sure knew about it when I went through China on my way back from Laos in the first week of January. I had injured my back and a lady grabbed the wheel chair with a cry of: “You sick” and wheeled me off through double doors to a quarantine room!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

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