Oscar night.....just has me riveted to my seat


Give a damn about the Oscars? The whole thing has got further up its arse than a proctologist’s middle finger. No one cares, because the last decade’s nominated movies are quasi arthouse that do not resonate with the audience. In an attempt to show making movies is really all abaht aaaart, dahling, the Academy has recently become all coy about nominating truly mass appeal movies. And who was responsible for this sudden fit of hubris, a desire to show a more cultured less crass side of the entertainment industry? A man imbued with a strong sense of the aspirations of the pinnacle of quality and not our baser instincts; Harvey Weinstein. Pay attention Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. You want to know why the Oscar shindig is as exciting as watching toast getting cold? Try looking at the movies you allow to get nominated....let alone win! The last ten years’ winners were , LaLa Land, Moonlight, Spotlight, Birdman, 12 Years a Slave, Argo, The Artist, The King’s Speech, The Hurt Locker, Slumdog Millionaire. I can barely remember what most of these are about? They may be worthy but are minnows compared with the 1970’s. The winners that decade were: Patton, The French Connection, The Godfather, The Sting, The Godfather Part II, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Rocky, Annie Hall, The Deer Hunter, Kramer vs Kramer. You’ve probably seen them all, and I can pretty clearly remember the stories even though released 40-50 years ago. US viewer audience for 1970 Oscars 55.2 million. US viewer audience last year, 26.5 million The only thing that sank faster was The Titanic (one of the last broad appeal movies to win back in 1997/8). I am pretty certain neither Rocky, Patton nor The Sting if made now, would even be nominated. So dear fellows and voters of the Academy, try and remember you are in the ENTERTAINMENT Industry. Get back to your roots and out of your ego. Start nominating movies that mean something to the general public and they might watch the awards!

...and another thing

TV. Now that’s entertainment. Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, HBO and Showtime are all making stuff far more appealing and of quality equal, if not better than movies…which is why the Golden Globes audience keeps growing. They include them.

The Academy however declines to recognise television as an art form. Furthermore TV movies, even if they get a theatrical release are excluded for nomination. Yup. Not only are these Oscar clowns dancing on a melting iceberg with hob nail boots, they are pointing flame throwers at the surface!

And why is tv drama/comedy on the whole better than feature film? Because the writers and creators are respected and properly compensated as opposed to feckless self important actors.

Aaron Sorkin (West Wing) has tucked away $100m. David E Kelly (Boston Legal, Chicago Hope, Picket Fences) is worth $300m and married to Michelle Pfeiffer! Tyler Perry (Own Network) has around $600m and Chuck Lorre (Two and a half men, Mike and Molly, Big Bang, The Kominsky Method) $800m.

Of course Larry David ( Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm) Matt Groening (The Simpsons) and Jerry Seinfied are near billionaires. They make Hollywood’s wealthiest actors look poor ( Cruise and Depp $450m, Clint $350m).

To add insult to injury, the previous Oscar host Jimmy Kimmel is a writer, producer and tv star, not a movie star.

...and another thing

You think it’s boring watching it? Try going. Four bum-numbing hours and every time you want to take a leak you have to wait for the organisers to get a dinner jacketed stand-in to take your place so no sweeping camera shot shows an empty seat!

Movies are not saving any lives and (with the possible exception of The Interview when North Korea took offence to) do not cause wars.

Recorded entertainment is simply turning money into light; letting people escape in the medium via whatever delivery system works best.So reward what’s best. Accept today’s entertainment landscape , my dear Oscar, or fade away.

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