Now you can only go into the bank wearing a mask


Has common sense been swept away by Covid-19? There was a time if the police stopped your car while out on a date and they found rubber gloves, a mask, duct tape and a chemical suit in the trunk they would suspect you of being right out of CSI. Now you are just a responsible citizen. I stood in line at our fabulous farmer’s market today watching a woman in a mask and gloves take both off to sniff and squeeze at least a dozen melons. Then she replaced her protective gear, happy that she was safe, but all the melons were now toxic. Every store now has a hand pump ready to spit out who knows what on your hands. After a day, my paws look like red swollen baseball mitts. Let alone the fire hazard. This stuff not only is highly inflammable but has no flame. Light up a fag and you may not realise your fist is on fire until your fingers start to go crispy! And shoe shops are utterly mad. You have to try on shoes with half your leg wrapped in an overgrown condom! You can’t see what the shoe looks like and I just don’t see how this avoids anyone catching the dreaded lurgie.

...and another thing

Returns! My wife took back an unopened kitchen electrical item. I found the right one on Amazon at 40% less than being charged here in Malta and a later model.

“I’m sorry Madam, due to Covid-19 we no longer accept returns.” When my wife pointed out that on a PVC covered cardboard box the germ could max survive a day and she was willing to give it a Dettol wipe, the assistants eyes glazed over.

“Next customer please.” Luckily, I was not there as she would have needed emergency surgery to get her head out of her ass.

...and another thing

At a time when any banknote not only comes with traces of cocaine but has bugs that can kill you, can we not all please use credit cards? However, even worse than note rustlers are change monkeys. These people when told the bill is €19.99 insist on opening a purse and counting out loose coins. There is a special place reserved in hell for these people. Whilst burning away they will have a mountain of change to insert into a fire extinguisher but always be one cent over or under the exact change needed.

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One Comment

  1. Christopher Wicker says:

    Great piece to be carefully stowed away in the family Covid archive to be read in wonder by our future generations.
    Carry on Mark as our insightful and fun chronicler of our strange times and behaviour!

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