Lent is just a reminder that you have already failed at your New Year’s resolutions

Why...

Do I think I can fool myself into giving things up when not one of my close  friends believes I can sustain privations for more than a few days?

...and another thing

Apart from President Maduro, I can think of no one who, for certain, had a dry January. A couple of times, I have marched, head held high, into January 2nd with a smorgasbord of good intentions, nearly all of which have turned to dust by January 10th. Lent is a second chance.

Now, before you all say I have the backbone of a chocolate éclair, I would counter that writing a book requires humongous self-discipline. No, I blame the little voice inside. Not the prissy one of your conscience, the Mary Poppins who forbids a glance at a pretty girl, eating two meringues, or watching a Jason Statham movie instead of holding a hankie and watching Hamnet.

No. It’s the other voice. The ‘c’mon let’s be serious one. I call him Spock, as he resembles many of the attributes of the long-eared Vulcan and is the inner whisper I listen to most.

New Year’s resolutions?

Not drinking for a month is just not logical. It proves nothing, and worse, data show those who do get through dry January drink far more over the course of a year than those who don’t. So ignore it.

Speeding in a car. Yeah, face it. It’s fun but logically you can’t do it on most roads. Either go to a race circuit or somewhere in the middle of nowhere with plenty of space;  like Central Spain or Ed Miliband’s brain.

Give up chocolate? Denial can be swapped for self‑discipline, which means not finishing the whole bar… at once. Chocolate acts as a calming influence. Where is the logic in not presenting to my fellow man the most centred and pleasant I can be?

...and another thing

I contend that if we all listened to Logic Spock more than Moral Mary, we would be much happier. So many restrictions and rules we impose on ourselves are whispered by Mary (notably religious ones). Spock would quickly knock those into the cocked hat of the illogical.

Unfortunately, logic can never really trump emotion. Where is the logic in loving hot dogs, which contain more additives than a debut novels first draft, over a healthy salad, or watching sport instead of participating?

What am I certain to give up for Lent? Resolutions.

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