Remember to play safe, but where’s the fun in that?

Why...

Is there so little thrill and danger? By far and away the moments of my life that sparkle in my memory are those of danger, wonder or excitement. Often all three. (These of course include marriage ceremonies). If, as they say, life’s key moments will flash in front of my eyes just before I shuffle off this mortal coil, I am damn sure mine will not include any snippets from work, religious services, group sessions of any description, let alone earnest social or political discussion. I suspect those fleeting last moments will feature marriages, my beloved wife, kids and grandkids… yet interspersed with: Screaming in fear bulleting solo down the Cresta toboggan run in St. Moritz Jumping off Annapurna on a hang-glider in Nepal (following my wife) Hand feeding a Tiger shark (admittedly wearing a butchers chain mail glove) scuba diving in the Pacific near Tahiti Sideways out of control in an eyewateringly expensive classic Ferrari around the UK’s famous Goodwood race track Avoiding a stampede of screaming girls at a Beatles concert at the Hammersmith Odeon Jumping out of a plane at 14,000 feet over Nelson, New Zealand (again following my wife) Accidentally getting airborne solo in a glider whilst still a schoolboy. Munching fugu (deadly poisonous puffer fish) in Tokyo Working with lions the size of Buicks on a movie shoot in Africa, certain I smelled like a tasty chicken Discreetly exiting the boudoir of a lady who failed to mention she was still married until her husband returned early from a business trip. As I look at current generations it would appear most of their thrills are vicarious, living through an Avatar in some video game or fantasising about men in Spandex in f/x laden movies. For real spice a few dawb paint at some middle class location like a museum, Wimbledon Tennis, Ryder Cup Golf, or Test cricket beseeching me to Stop Oil. Safe sensible places where the public might tut-tut displeasure. To me, that’s about as exiting as watching toast get cold. Danger and risk of injury is what makes you feel alive. If protestors want to raise their heart beat and get real press, try that kind of malarkey as an MMA event or NSCAR race and see what the crowd think of you.

...and another thing

Whilst I was ruminating on lack of danger I thought about the original jet skis. Not the poncy safe, sit-upon-sofas that blight beachfronts today. Originally they were tiny platforms with a Y shaped yoke on a pivot in the centre.

Lying flat in the water, I gunned the jet like engine, praying the flow of water neither removed my shorts or testicles,then I had to heave myself up onto the platform first kneeling then standing, the Y shaped yoke rising from horizontal to vertical. Falling off was frighteningly easy, staying upright and jumping the wake took real skill and I am sure it was dangerous as hell. I loved them and shed a tear when they all but disappeared.  Just another smidgen of the spice of life taken away by Health and Safety.

...and another thing

This mollycoddle culture has bred a generation of entitled, risk averse youth. It has also lead to complacency about real external threats to our way of life and that occasionally you have to stand up to and physically confront.

I therefore suggest that a little bit of risk and danger needs to be injected back into our life…..And removing safety goggles while playing conkers is not enough!

My lot climbed trees, played with fireworks, drove too fast on empty open roads and stuck our tongue out at authority. And a few of us fell out of those trees, burnt hands and faces or skidded through the pearly gates far too early…but the rest of us learned from all this. Experience both good and bad is what shapes us.

...and another thing

So whilst I don’t wish any harm to your anklebiters, the odd bout of fisty -cuffs to settle a dispute is not the end of the world. You don’t need dayglow jackets to fly a kite on a beach nor have a no run policy in the playground. Real life occasionally throws up physical danger. You can’t press the fast forward button to avoid it.

Pip pip

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