Beware, Card Shark

Why...

Do I get roped into imaginary celebration days? Before I start this week's blog......I have a confession. For a few years I was the co-owner of the Hallmark Channel (Internationally) that I bought with a consortium from the eponymous card company still owned and controlled by the Hall family. There were some pretty freaky things that I learned about cards (before the digital universe blew a hole in Hallmark with Blue Mountain, Moo, Jibjab, Moonpig and Funky Pigeon). Firstly, was that the more Catholic or Protestant the country, the more cards it sent. You expect the major European countries, but right up near the top was the Philippines! Now for those of you who have never been there, I beg you, go.... I adore all of Asia (with a special love for Vietnam) but if you want to see a race in self-conflict you cannot beat the Philippines. Nothing on earth trumps Catholic guilt and boy, the Filipinos, with their lust for life and smorgasbord of sin, have a tsunami of things to feel guilty about.....and yet Christmas carols start blaring from the radio in September. They send a shedload of cards, several to the same recipient!!

...and another thing

Christmas cards were heaven-sent to the card industry along with Birthdays. Ever since the card companies have been keen to come up with more reasons to shell out a fortune for a scrap of paper…..Mother’s Day, Father’s Day to give two good examples. Valentine’s Day got a massive push from the card and flower business (140m cards in the US alone).

The card mafia then seemed to push the envelope (pun definitely intended) with National Boss day (October 16th) National Nurse day (May 6th) and Sweetest day (the third Saturday in October, confirm Hallmark with a handful of candy- go figure)! Where is National Dentist day to counteract it? (Oops just seen it…March 6th).

The trouble is even National Tax day (April 15th in the UK) is, well, just a bit ‘twee’. I’m just not getting the urge to rush out and buy a card for any of these…..

So I suggest National Muthafukka Day. Yup, you buy a card for someone who has really pissed you off. A sort or reverse Valentine for people you dislike….intensely. Instead of every singleton in the office sending themselves ‘anonymous Valentine’s’ they will be dreading getting any mail at all.

Now come on, admit it. You are all reading this saying “Yea, I like this….”

The more I think about this, the more I’m sure it’s a winner. The date has got to be the first Friday 13th of the year. Don Hall, here is your chance to make up for the fact that street legend suggests that no African American appeared in a Hallmark commercial until the1980s. You never know, Mr.Hall might get quite a few cards himself!

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4 Comments

  1. Avatar Magda says:

    Hello,
    See I have learned something new…;-) I thought that the British were the once who were sending the most cards, not because of guilt…but to say thank you, to invite someone to a dinner or party, to go on week-end or on holidays, for other special days..;-)
    Take care…
    Magda

  2. Avatar Prill Brewin says:

    The same principle applies to the TV shows where you pay to vote. What if they were to charge to double to vote against someone you didn’t like? Instead of just paying to vote for someone you do like? I would do it, and pay the extra cost for the pleasure of being able to remove someone who was annoying me!

  3. Avatar TheIrishMuthafukkadaycard says:

    May those who love us love us.
    And those that don’t love us,
    May God turn their hearts.
    And if He doesn’t turn their hearts,
    May he turn their ankles,
    So we’ll know them by their limping.

  4. Avatar Jeff says:

    I love it!!! In fact, I’ve had my list of card recipients for this awesome proposed holiday for a few years now.