Pay attention ticket touts

Why...

Do I worry about ticket touts? As we emerge blinking from COVID-19 hibernation, there is much speculation that, like Saul on the road to Damascus, we will be inspired with life changing values. Don’t bet on it! What will we want that touts will worm their way into and supply? Clearly concerts, theatre and sporting events are still some way away. So how can all those touts out there manage to make ends meet, poor lambs. For sure there will be a rush for certain things. Vanity trumps everything. Hair Salons will be inundated. The same goes for Brazilian wax, eyebrow plucking, Botox, manicures, and pedicures. So, touts should be booking appointments and offering to sell them for a premium. Other ‘bookings’ in high demand. Restaurants with plenty of space between tables, or mass raves (for people with plenty of space between their ears). Expect secret underground ticket sales from touts for these parties. I suspect certain men will be desperate for their regular ‘Thai Massage’ complete with happy ending whilst others will simply be desperate for an argument about their sports team with a total stranger. In fact I am amazed that no one has started a website www.iarguewithyou.com. Log on and have a row. You cannot do that if you are manacled to people at home as you have nowhere to slink off to be grumpy on your own or time to cool off.

...and another thing

I see many people say travel tops their number one goal after ending lockdown… which only goes to show that the general public are as thick as a whale omelette.

First, where to? Abroad? This presumes Johnny Foreigner is eager to accept you. Secondly and more importantly will be cost of travel. Airlines are being forced to give up middle seats for social distancing. In view it is only airlines, not subway, trains or buses, shows there is still plenty of mixed up thinking that has survived. With wafer thin margins and needing 80% capacity to make money on a flight, this loss of middle seats is a problem when you are forced to lose 35% of revenue. The only certainty for takeoff is ticket prices. Even the tree-huggers will be happy with this one. The people who will suffer are all the Duty-Free shops at airports. So, sell their stock!

...and another thing

Perhaps the greatest spectacle is going to be the class action lawsuit being taken out by US Bergman Law Group for a few $ Trillion against the Chinese Government. (N.B. Something, I predicted a few blogs ago. You can call me Mystic Mark from now on). Court tickets would be worth getting if those subpoenaed actually appear. Sadly, there is more chance of Hillary giving Donald a warm smile than anyone from the Chinese Government turning up!

...and another thing

I suspect the tickets in highest demand will actually be ‘experience adventure days’ ones. You know, paintballing, bungee jumping and indoor skydiving. In fact, as I look at a website, some seem all too familiar with the past few weeks. Zombie Apocalypse, Save Humanity, Escape Room for Two, and my favorite nightmare, Zorbing. This entails running down a hill inside a huge plastic sphere that looks exactly like a COVID-19 cell.

I might offer my own Experience Adventure Days — A mass sauna, passing an apple from mouth to mouth with a line of 100 people, or simply an orgy in Wuhan.

In the meantime, keep safe, don’t watch the news and be kind to each other.

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One Comment

  1. Avatar Magda says:

    Dear Mr Mystic Mark,
    Very wise words… A new big Prohibition period might be on its way…
    Stay safe both of you.
    Magda 😉