Are you a lockdown fashionista


Has Covid-19 superseded Vogue as the trendsetter of fashion? I suspect less  than 0.1% of men have worn a tie over the past ten weeks with bras going the same way. Stilettos, false eyelashes, leather shoes with laces and evening attire have also been banished to the cupboard whereas fashion no-no’s  such as the onesie, head band and tracksuit have made a comeback even Sinatra would have been proud of.  The most shocking aspect of lockdown is the sudden appearance of facial hair; mostly, though not exclusively, on men. As someone who has sported a well trimmed beard and moustache for a decade, I am amazed at the birds nests many friends have now got stuck on their faces. Even my beloved father-in-law, decorated pilot, Diplomat and US Government Advisor suddenly looks like Uncle Sam with his natty goatee beard! The first question is why?

  • Is it an act of defiance to the old rules? No more office, suit, tie and hair as slick as a second hand car salesman’s patter? “I am the master of my destiny and phooey to convention like shaving.”
  • Is it to show the ‘outdoorsman’ in face of lockdown. “Hey Covid-19 I’m Grizzly Adams. I cut down trees with my teeth and drive in masonry nails with my bare hands. Don’t screw with me.”
  • Or is it simply:
“I cannot be bothered to stay trim and trimmed. What can I binge watch next?” To see if it’s really a fashion statement rather than a whimper, let’s see how much of the facial topiary will survive the ending of lockdown.

...and another thing

At least a beard can be wiped out in moments but my stomach needs to be planed before it will stop looking like I have eaten a Space hopper. I admit to having succumbed to an item of Covid-19 de rigour clothing; I have a pair of trousers with an elasticated waste band. Since I broke my wrist falling off the elliptical trainer a couple of months ago, I have gingerly started exercising again. The dogs however keep their distance, both waiting for a repeat of my cartwheel into the Pilates machine. When I succeed in looking less like Mr.Bibendum (The Michelin tyre man) I will feed the damn trousers to the dogs and eradicate any trace of having them.

...and another thing

Now, if we were honest, many have enjoyed a break, if not a holiday. However, I understand the pent up demand to lie on a beach as opposed to the park is about to erupt like a volcano once travel restrictions are lifted.

How will that work exactly? The Brits have this quaint belief that anyone flying into the UK, the country with by far the largest number of deaths in the EU, will happily agree to self contaminate for two weeks once there (despite travelling to self isolation in a taxi, bus, tube or train with other people).

However, as the Brits seek to flee Covid-19 to the Chlamydia infested beaches of Benidorm, we believe our European brothers will welcome us with open arms and no requirement to isolate! The self delusion and hypocrisy is staggering!

...and another thing

When to wear a mask is becoming as much a social dilemma as whether to open an umbrella when it’s only spitting rain. Do you look ridiculous as the only person wearing it/ with an open umbrella, or more ridiculous getting wet/infected when standing outside and unprotected?

Certainly the only sane person wearing a mask alone in a car, is when he or she has just stolen it.

Masks are now the new billboard with logos popping up all over them making them look like an acne rash. And of course there is the obligatory designer ones popping up on the catwalk.

Jogging in a mask is a certain recipe for a heart attack and shopping wearing one is hopeless as no one can clearly hear what you are saying.

This point was proved when I got home from the fishmonger with half a kilo of frozen skate in stead of salmon steak.

Finally gloves. When my wrist was in plaster I looked like an overstuffed version of Michael Jackson. Fedora hat, sunglasses surgical mask and only one gloved hand. (Although with my summer suntan I definitely had a darker complexion).

But apart from the counter staff no one is wearing gloves anymore. It’s as if fingers have suddenly developed antibodies that our nose and lungs have not.

The truth, like most things in life, is that no one knows anything for sure… except we know nothing for sure.

I suspect the reality is until there is a vaccine, we are going to have to stop hermetically sealing us off from Covid-19. Protecting the individual from death at all costs but killing the economy, will I fear by necessity evolve into to sadly killing more citizens and getting the economy back to life. We are just going to have to live with it.

Meanwhile, I’d better check if I still remember how to do up a tie.

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One Comment

  1. Magda says:

    😉 You should have watched Youtube channels during the confinement…It is quite impressive how some “girls” (I will not call them women, because they are too young ;-), used all the time they had on their hands to create new hair styles, wear new make up, dressed up all pretty to film themselves to talk about what…??? About how they passed their time “se maquillant”, or what clothes to wear with what sort of shoes…;-) We are far from “Trinny and Susannah” (I miss those 2…;-), but it is interesting to see that no matter what some people still want to look good. And I agree with them, it is not because you are confined that you should let yourself go…Some might have spend their days naked or wearing the same pyjamas or joggings, but others made an effort to look good 😉
    Braces are great for trousers 😉
    As we age it is amazing what gravity can do to all of us…It seems that earth wants to swallow us : we lose water, elasticity, charming (or not) wrinkles appear, our hair starts falling…So it seems that the older we get the rounder we are the better…, because technically we should resist more…;-)
    That reminds me that I always laughed in the planes when the steward was saying “Brace brace” because I was imagining the belts being elastics…
    And I am sure that you still remember how to do up a tie, otherwise I am sure that Madame Grenside will do it for you 😉

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