Ashley Madison, Tinder, and E- Harmony have a lot to answer for.


Do people believe a computer will find Mr. Right, or Mrs. Always Right?  I believe it was Bill Clinton who said he came from a town called Hope.  Perhaps he forgot the prefix No.... Of course everyone should experience love. However if you have hit every branch of the ugly tree, are pushing 70 and can count the number of teeth you have left on one hand, let me be blunt. No dating site is going to send you a Brad Pitt clone with a ribbon tied to his gentleman’s sausage or an Angelina Jolie facsimile wearing a T shirt saying ‘Treat me like a postage stamp. Lick me, stick me and send me on my way’...  well not without presenting you with a large bill. Wake up! Internet dating is fine, so long, as Clint Eastwood said, ‘A man must know his limitations’. It is fine and laudable for a dating site to attempt to provide a soul mate. A sex crazed bed mate will almost certainly require a cheque, mate.

...and another thing

I note one major web site lost a court action saying its computer system had a unique algorithm formulated to find a perfect match. The judge and jury thought this was balls.

Look, I would be happy as Larry for single friends of mine to collect a shovelful of email addresses to set up dates from. But the idea a computer can pre-select the ‘one’, just because it can match your likes and dislikes is nonsense.

My beloved wife can’t drive a manual sports car, cannot Scuba Dive, likes her scrambled eggs like rubber and her steak so overdone you could play squash with it. She loves comedy & RomCom but hates animation or Sci-Fi, gobbles milk not dark chocolate, is allergic to fish but eats shellfish and happily jumped off a bridge outside Queenstown, New Zealand with a rubber band attached to her ankle. On every count she should be as attractive to me as candy coveted Kryptonite is to Superman… and yet… I worship the ground she treads on.

A soul mate is a weird and wonderful thing. You just cannot filter it down to an algorithm.

If you are lonely the only solution is to get out into the world. There are plenty of other lonely people too.

For my money a dog is a far better ice breaker than having Simon Cowell on your shoulder offering a passerby a place in the X factor final.

Unless you have a pooch that looks like Cerberus or is one of those twitchy midget doll dogs with no hair, go for a walk and hey presto everyone wants to stop and chat.

Before you know it, your hound will have generated more phone numbers than a battalion of web sites. And at the end of the day, if all else fails, you at least have a four legged friend who loves you!

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