Why is my chocolate bar digitally challenged?


Is there a massive gap in the overcrowded chocolate market? Over the past ten years, fancy schmanzy chocolate from every corner of the globe has appeared in retail outlets. Some plain but many with a wild mix of ingredients; everything from moon dust to crushed lark tongue (well not quite, but you know what I mean). However, when it comes to simple chocolate you are offered anemic milk at around 32% chocolate content… then there is a huge gap till you get to 65, 75, 80, 85, even 99%. What the hell happened to mid-range 35%-65% content? This gap is mystifying. I want chocolate to taste of actual chocolate but not be as bitter as a fired Cabinet Minister. 50% would be perfect.

...and another thing

I must admit that if a gun was pointed at my head and asked to choose between giving up booze or chocolate, the bottle would get the boot. Whilst my liver would do a tap dance of happiness, my waistline would inevitably expand. But is chocolate really so terrible?

Churchill said, “Never trust a man who doesn’t drink”, to that I would add “or doesn’t munch chocolate.” I’ve never heard of anyone having had a car accident, pee their pants whilst singing or even murder their wife after having had too many Mars Bars. In addition, you can eat chocolate at any age, in any location and being from any religion (unless you worship at the altar of the calorie fanatic).

...and another thing

It’s not all sweetness and light. Chocolate can actually kill you, but you would have to eat around 22lbs to do that. That’s about the size of a dachshund.


However, it can easily kill your precious pooch. So, if Fido gobbles up a pound of chocolate by all means give him a spank but do so taking him to the vet immediately.


Chocolate contains theobromine, and your four-legged friend can experience heart failure or kidney damage.

Just remember as you bite into whatever variety floats your boat…

According to the FDA, on average a chocolate bar contains around eight insect parts, but it is still deemed to be safe for consumption.



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