When customer service absolutely positively has to be destroyed overnight...


Does my courier company sometimes think I'm psychic? Not only must I know when their little websites tell me my goodies are on the van, when in reality they aren't,  even if they are due to be delivered over a 13 hour time spread from 6am to 7pm, it's just a guide. I clearly would not sit pining for the delivery van all day and half the night when I really know the window during the day he will come, so can arrange my day accordingly. The company also knows I get a tingling in my head on those days the driver gets lost or fancies a quick one with that lovely lady at number 22 and joshes to say I was out anyway and could we do it all again tomorrow. My how we laugh at that one! Now, as my courier thinks I still believe in fairies, unicorns and that La Donald is not bald, I must also have faith in Customer Service.... a contradiction in terms right up there with New Classic, Civil Servant and Gourmet Pizza. Nevertheless after three days of hide and hide (nothing to seek) I give them a call. Punching in more numbers and data than on a battalion of lottery tickets I eventually get a voice that asks again for all the same information… only to be put on hold… listening to music so awful as to make me bless Kenny Gee. But hope springs eternal and just as I am about to hang up some one chirps: “I am putting you through now"…  to listen to more music. The call centre based out in Ulan Bator might offer to call me back and if by some miracle they do I note the number is withheld. God forbid a customer might want to initiate contact! When I get to be king any customer service (yes you BA, Vodafone, Insurance claims departments, etc., etc.) that does not have listed names with emails or direct phone lines will be made: A)to cut the White House Lawn with nail scissors and then B)to pick up the cut blades with tweezers.    

...and another thing

‘No contingent liability’ is a phrase dear to courier’s hearts. What that means is despite them offering to absolutely positively etc., etc. when they don’t and I suffer as a result, miss a plane, buy the item, miss a deadline and pay a penalty for late documents… tough titty. Despite all those commercials about logistics and planes and men who all look like Tom Hanks it’s meaningless.

Like most things in life from delivery of a widget to an orgasm if you want to be sure… do it yourself!

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  1. Jeff says:

    Mark, great as always. Just read the last five to catch up. How did you get Kirsten on the horse for the rodeo picture ? Jeff

  2. Peter says:

    Thanks Mark. This was very timely since both my wife and I were having horrendous problems with separate couriers!! and it was comforting to find that we were not alone ……

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