Drip drip drip, my patience is going down the drain......


Do the smallest actions by some cause such heated reactions from others? OK so watching some guy pick his spots while at the traffic lights is not the best way to start the day, yet for another motorist this morning it actually infuriated her so much she honked her horn. Maybe she was an unemployed beautician who took offence at his do-it-yourself work depriving her of a living? I regularly strike up an argument with traffic lights that I am certain go green only for three nanoseconds the way I want to travel but stay red for at least a decade to allow the other traffic to slide by quite freely. My wife on the other hand takes the view ‘that's life’ and why do I complain?? I then point out she would rather play hopscotch on a mine field than go for a swim in the sea (she doesn't like swimming in deep water) so she has no reason to pick on my own bête noires. Off we go, pointing out things that only drives one of us crazy and is water off a ducks back to the other. People with earphones that leak hiss like maniacal cicadas have the same horrendous effect on me as fingernails scraping down a blackboard for my wife.

...and another thing

My time is crowded with life’s little pokes in the eye. I cannot remember the last time I held a conversation on the street on my mobile phone without having to stop as a Police, Ambulance or Fire Engine siren wailed away. Yet put the phone away and the world goes silent. You could be mugged, have your house catch fire or suffer a minor heart attack and wait all day for those services!  I suggest if you are robbed just stand on the street with a phone attached to your ear and a squad car will screech up in two minutes.

Another phone favourite is when I start to lose a signal on an important call as I approach a traffic light only to lose it completely as the light turn’s red….and I cannot ring back.

There’s a twist on this one… when people call you on the tube (subway) whilst in the station (where there is a signal) and you try and explain you are on the tube as it pulls into the tunnel and the signal goes…..only for the caller to ring back as you enter the next station to say you got cut off and the whole process starts all over again!

...and another thing

I have mentioned change monkeys at supermarkets who seem surprised when asked by the till operator to pay then spend hours looking for the exact change. Well they have cousins who go up to ATMs and spend a millennia  forgetting their PIN number then asking for their balance followed by inserting one card after another to withdraw cash. They come out mostly when it’s raining.

...and another thing

More irritating than stinging nettles in my underpants are certain travellers at security checks. Is it really a surprise how much liquid you can carry, let alone where you have packed it a few hours ago…. all in a carry-on bag that seems big enough to hold Donald Trump’s ego? Yet later these same people put the bags in lockers over my seats at one end of the plane and yet sit in another??? The result being my regulation carry-on has no home and is relegated to the dreaded hold!


As I sit here today, writing on a plane I squirm in my seat in utter frustration. God has sent me without question the single most irritating human on the planet. A guy playing computer solitaire who continually fails to see where he can put the cards. I am mesmerised. I just cannot help watch him flailing about and am literally biting my knuckles not to tell this bozo every move he misses. So I sit here and pray I can get through three more hours. No chance. The guy in front of me is pulling out a huge pair of Dr.Dre headphones the size of Princess Leia’s hair curls….

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  1. George Martin (alive one) says:

    please leave your wife alone ,


  2. Peter says:

    I agree …. all very annoying … But I can cope with anything except people running around shouting ” We’ve got our country back” !!

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