Ear ye, ear ye....


Does the humble ear only get credited as being one of the six senses. It is so much more... Sex. No, I'm not talking sound here. Please watch the delightful French movie The Untouchables about the millionaire paraplegic Philippe and his driver/manservant, Driss. It's a wonderful movie despite its backdrop of the ashes of living after such a disabling accident. It is in fact an utter affirmation of the joys of life. In it, the fondling and rubbing of Philippe's earlobes is his only sensory pleasure and to him on a par with sex!  So the ear is also a sexual organ.

...and another thing

Death. Presenting someone with a pair of the vanquished’s ears is the ultimate symbol of defeat. Saracens were permanently lopping off the ears of crusaders. Those poor bulls in the corrida in Spain, once their ritual slaughter is over, donate their ears to the Matador. (Occasionally when the matador loses though and he gets gored in the groin, the bull at least gets to keep a couple of small mementoes of his own).

Preservation from hell. The tradition of pirates sporting a gold ring in an ear was not, despite Johnny Depp’s dashing portrayal, to make the Pirate a more fashionable warrior. It was in fact an insurance policy. In the case of death it was to be used as payment for funeral service and a Christian burial…..and if not quite dead when the local priest finds a fatally wounded pirate, enough for a confession.

Crime solver. Ear prints are as individual as fingerprints. So if you have been eavesdropping with your ear pushed against a windowpane the CSI team will dust that glass and have you banged to rights before you can say

”   Who-o-o-o are you

Hu-hu hu,who????”

Child Monitor. My late mother’s hearing was so finely tuned she could hear a mouse get a hard on. The likelihood of me being able to sneak in late as a teenager and her not hear was zero.

Balance. Recently I have been suffering from a weird virus called Labyrinthitis. Basically if I move my head sharply, it spins like I have just smoked a joint the size of a cucumber! It’s easily treatable but again demonstrates how the ear has so much to offer!

Sight. Without ears we would all be reduced to wearing uncomfortable pince-nez glasses that perch on your nose and fall off with a mild shake of your head.

...and another thing

Faking it. In fact the one creature who cannot hear at all is a snake. So when you see a snake charmer making that racket with that strange trumpet, just remember the snake can’t hear a thing! He opens his jaws to register the vibrations! Although men at times can also suddenly go deaf when being nagged……

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  1. Debs says:

    Love the film The Untouchables … watched it several times and it never fails to please. love your blog! … keep up the good work. xx

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