For sale - International Space Station. One careful owner. Huge saving on list price. US $35b o.n.o. Must collect


Is it ‘time’s up’ on the I.S.S.?

I understand that the space equivalent of Honest Jo’s Car Lot Jamboree  have given the space station the once over as NASA struggle to keep it running.

“Hmmm. Well now. The grobulators are worn out and your doo-hickeys are in pieces. These parts are very difficult to track down, you know? They just don’t make ‘em anymore. Huge mileage. Needs a new paint job, a few dents whilst docking I see”. No doubt at this point whilst space walking, Jo gives the tyres a kick.

“Trouble is no one really wants these old fashioned ones anymore. Me, I love all that classic silver and chrome and a really good jet propulsion… but young people nowadays… they want the latest and it has to be green. I could take it off your hands but sorry £1b is as far as I can go. Even then I will probably make a loss”. Selling a used vehicle was ever thus.

...and another thing

Can Ken and Barbie can rescue it? I see that in order to attract young girls into space, Mattel are releasing a space cadet Barbie (I thought she always was one). Maybe she and Ken can take over the Space Station and turn it into a PlayStation (assuming Sony don’t sue Mattel for copyright infringement).

As a kid and having peeped inside Barbie’s Bobbie Brooks and Ken’s Y fronts, I can see why there is no patter of tiny feet. So Ken is clearly going to be the George Clooney character to Sandra ‘Barbie’ Bullock spacewoman and they will just set up home alone somewhere in the Milky Way.

...and another thing

Let me be this straight. A Space Station that costs nearly US$150b to build and costs US$4b a year to run is effectively now knackered after 20 years floating in space. I assume it is to be eventually flogged on to either Messrs Branson, Musk or Bezos. How on earth are we expected to get  anywhere interesting if we can only build craft that only last two decades? Space travel is going nowhere until a real Star Trek Scotty can get the dilithium crystals cranked up and we can crack off faster than light… even then the Andromeda galaxy (likely human life) is still 2,500 years away. By the time we get there and back Andromeda will have collided with the Milky Way in the ultimate space pileup. Nope. Travel in space has to be via consciousness, which is instant and makes light speed look tortoise-like.(Oops this is getting too serious… but it is the answer).

...and another thing

And yet I shall miss the International Space Station as it gets hauled off to the breakers yard. I rather liked the idea that someone was always watching down on us, even if many of them were Russians who thought nothing weird in doing that. Sure, they did a bunch of experiments. They took spiders into space to see if they can weave webs in zero gravity (they can) and mouse embryos to see if they can be born back on earth (they can).

Two things always bothered me about space and both revolve around privacy.  How do you go to the loo in zero gravity and has anyone had sex in space?

Some people have their heads in the stars, others in the gutter. Sorry!

Stay safe.

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