Funk me, Mark Zuckerburg wants to put me on the naughty step coz I talk like a sailor


Has swearing become the big no-no on Facebook... as opposed to: how to build a nuclear bomb on a rainy afternoon, five different ways to slice and dice a noisy next door neighbour or learn to shish-kebab the infidel in ten easy steps? I understand that algorithms are being introduced as electronic bleepers to cull blogger’s profanity. Therefore this might be my last blog for a while as I dial down my language. So what happens to my friends on Fanny Hands Lane in Scunthorpe or Butt Hill road in Penistone who are ornithologists and want to discuss the mating habits of a blue tit, a skiddy-cock, nicker-pecker, boobyalla or assapanick? Will the marine biologist from Cockermouth in Cumbria  and their aholehole and bummalo fishes be banished from showing pictures or the insect lovers and their cute six legged cockchafers have their accounts closed? No more stories from holiday-makers out to catch a dik-dik (a small antilope) or out for a sail with a fuksheet (foresail). Clearly one man’s passion is Facebook’s poison.

...and another thing

I remember as a callow youth being in New York for the first time and asking at a dinner party if anyone knew where I could buy a fag.

The shocked looks multiplied by ten when I said,

“No big deal. It usually costs me in the UK about £3 to put one in my mouth.”

A fag to me of course is a cigarette, to them a derogatory term for a gay man.

...and another thing

I understand in the 1960’s that the DVLA (the body in the UK that issues driving licenses and number plates) tied themselves up in mental knots trying not to issue number plates that could cause offence.

In those days there were just three letters followed by three numbers. It got so crazy they found out the slang for lesbian in Albanian was three letters and decided to withhold the combination in case a pair of English teachers decided to go on a car trip to visit the museums of Tirana…

...and another thing

Can we defeat the Facebook police by calling someone a pizda (a very rude word in Bosnian) or tell someone to ‘go forth and multiply’ (f*ck off) in Nepalese;  Gujara!?

 Or are we going to have to create a whole new dictionary of swear words to defeat this attack on free speech?

We really don’t swear as much you might think. 0.5% is about the amount of swearing used in everyday speech… unless you are talking to the automated voice recognition at a call centre for Vodafone.

So c’mon Facebook, do your worst. America can be as inadvertently rude as anyone else. It’s really all how your mind works.

I still laugh now at the promo reel of a 1993 movie, “…..and the incredible story about one young boy’s passion… Free Willy”.

 From where I come from that’s very rude indeed! Willy is our weiner.

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  1. Peter says:

    I deleted my Facebook account last night. Ah the joy of it!!

    I had a discussion with friends the other day and we were contemplating what heaven might be like. I thought it might be like a world prior to social media !!

  2. Peter says:

    I deleted my Facebook account last night. I felt a much much better person this morning.

  3. Len Wright says:

    Google have just disabled my advert for “Hotels near Gunnislake, Cornwall”, presumably due to a fear that any visitors may be planning a school massacre, and Bing have rejected my ad for “Hotels in Newport” due to its “adult content”. Is “Newporting” an interesting and unusual activity that I have been missing out on all these years?

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