Your grobulator is not in sync with your doo-hickey


Do I have to listen to drivel? Jargon is really a verbal hedge professionals hide behind... waiting to jump out and financially mug you. The truth is most businesses are not that complex, but to make everyone think someone has an IQ the size of a planet, people make up complex words (acronyms if in the Army) that no one understands. Never let a simple word stand in the way of a complex one, especially if as a lawyer you can charge £500 an hour to explain it.

...and another thing

I have actually been going through the cognitive process of forming mental images or concepts (doh, thinking) of any business or industry that only uses simple terms and language. There isn’t any!

Even simple sports such as boxing, wonderfully described by Leon Spinks as

“The art of knocking the other mothafukka on his ass,” has a myriad of its own cryptic words. My favourite, Enswell, the piece of metal pushed onto a bruise during a bout… I assume created by some dyslexic cornerman who meant end swell.

In Wrestling KayFabe is the word whispered by wrestlers when a stranger hoves into view and might be shocked to overhear that only a welded porthole is more fixed than the upcoming bout.

...and another thing

However I suggest there is a direct correlation between the number of fancy words and the cost of the service or goods from that industry. Your local car mechanic charges you an extra $100 on your service bill for burnt combustible extraction (cleaning the ashtray) to a doctor charging a consultation fee of $1,000 to tell you your stomach has boborygmi (rumbling coz you are peckish).

Of course the language itself can be to blame. Germans like nothing better than making several words one, resulting in a word long enough to cover two time zones

Kaftfahrzeughaftpflichtversicherung is just car liability insurance and

Lebensabschnittgefährte lover!

Most Peace Treaties in Europe were written in French. Not because the cheese eating surrender monkeys lost more wars than most but because French compared to German, English, Spanish and Italian has very few words. The fewer the words, the more interpretive and less exact the document… perfect for a peace treaty.

In fact when Putin has finished knocking about Syria, Ukraine and poisoning spies near Stonehenge no doubt he will convince the UN he will sign a Cease and Desist order if written in Taki Taki.

This language has the worlds’s shortest vocabulary of only 340 words spoken by 120,000 Creoles in Suriname. I suspect the words surrender and welcome are one and the same…

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