I can happily eat quiche, but will never be seen wearing sandals or carrying a manbag


Do some men allow themselves such sartorial sins that they verge on crimes against humanity? The disappearance of men in sandals was one of the few blessings of the Dark Ages. And yet there seems to be a renaissance of this fashion disaster made worse by the adoption of wearing these atrocities with white socks. Who on earth outside mung-bean-eating tree-huggers thinks this footwear is acceptable? Puh-lease don’t bleat they are good for walking. They are not. All they do is present lunch to various ants, centipedes and any other carnivore creepy crawlies. Unlike ladies dainty tootsies, men’s hooves are unsightly things that should not be exposed... mine are known to scare children and horses.

...and another thing

Men are far more guilty of fashion disasters than women.

Shell suits?

Essentially you end up looking like an oversized Christmas cracker.


Just an excuse to try and sucker men into paying LSD induced prices currently applied to women’s handbags. And what on earth are men meant to keep in them that does not slip into existing pockets? It’s not as if we have a desire to keep industrial strength headache pills, a mile of Kleenex, knickers, tampons, lipstick, jewellery, hairbrush, eyeliner, compact powder, diaries, phones and enough keys to open every room in the Tower of London?

...and another thing

Unless you are Rick Moranis, wearing short sleeved shirts with a) pens in the pocket b) a tie, can only banish you to an outer circle of loneliness that not even Tinder can save you from.  

 In fact, short anything as formal wear is an affront. Would you take anyone seriously if they came to you in a suit and tie, but wearing shorts? OK I know  Angus Young got away dressed as a schoolboy as lead singer to AC/DC but seriously? He looked like a dork and in view of Jimmy Saville and Michael Jackson sends out all the wrong signals now!

So my fellow men. Be thankful. Jackets, shirts, shoes and trousers have essentially been the same for nearly 100 years. I know there are some of you who think the world’s shortest horror story is ‘Sold Out’, but just check out the buyers before you charge headlong into joining a queue.

Finally some personal experience of buying ‘fashion at the edges’. On Facebook I bought a trendy jacket and super cool loafers. Both arrived with wrong size. It’s a scam. You either pay a fortune to return the items or get a discount on your next purchase, effectively paying double.

Luckily there were no handbags on offer!

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