I know what colour knickers you have on...


Are we allowing drones, those wretched electronic insects, to proliferate practically unchecked? If I climb a tree and start photographing my neighbour as she sunbathes in the nude or hang upside down from a balcony and film the honeymoon couple in the suite below, I expect arrest, lawsuits and bad language to be hurled in equal measure. Yet some halfwit can pop into any branch of Electronic’n’Computershit’R’us and buy an 'eye in the sky' by simply shoving over a credit card (something that took far more scrutiny to obtain than the drone). When first introduced by the U.S. military, I must admit to a frisson of smug satisfaction at the West's ingenuity. A drone, sent by a bloke with a buzz cut in a bunker in Nebraska, could deliver a missile right through Mr. Terrorist’s front door, whether he’s in Timbuktu or Al Ramadi. How’s that for special delivery! Now it seems our privacy and safety is the target; these things follow dogs in the park, boats at sea and even joy riders in stolen cars. The accident waiting to happen (such as a multi-car pileup or worse...an airline crash) is patiently hovering in the corner.

...and another thing

Somebody’s screw up with lack of legislation, is just another man’s money making opportunity. There are profits to be made, whilst effective laws trickle along or are held up (in the UK presumably due to lack of anyone from the House Of Lords being available as they are all wearing bras taking cocaine and allegedly using their per diems to enjoy hanky-panky with Miss Whiplash, For the non-British amongst you go to

In the U.S. there is a thriving anti UAV market (anything vaguely military sounding is always referred to with initials — UAV is the acronym for Unmanned Aerial Vehicle, just a fancy name for a drone). For up to $75,000 you can buy an alarm system that shrieks like a kid on a roller coaster should a drone hove into view. Topping that system, the Brits have a nifty little number called AUDS (Anti UAD Defence System- how’s that! Initials within initials!) This can detect and then block the remote signal from a third to any drone within 15 seconds. That sounds fine except what about a bunch of them or pre-programmed drones that aren’t being controlled? No doubt someone is working on that threat with a FU1, 2 (no need for translation of initials here).

...and another thing

I see Amazon’s Prime Air Division (huh? Pretentious or what?) has announced a plan for a ‘fast lane’ delivery airspace of between 200-400 feet. They want this exclusively as a corridor to deliver books and other payloads up to two kilos within a few hours of us making an order. I appreciate the speed at which Amazon currently delivers, but for the sake of a day do I really want the air above me turning into a delivery belt of these electronic beetles?

And what about the son of the recently deceased Mr.Terrorist deciding to deliver a beribboned package of polonium over my head, or worse, a whole squadron of them into our water reservoirs!

...and another thing

But surely the point is despite all this wizardry, the damned things should not be allowed; or at least rigorously controlled, insured and licensed? It’s like giving everyone a 300 foot long selfie stick, which they in turn can stick in everyone’s face. How about drones are deemed as vermin and as such allowed to be shot at all year round? Are you listening legislators everywhere??

I suppose until that becomes law I will have to wear a mask if in frustration I take a pop at one with my shotgun……Unfortunately then I will also become tagged as Mr.Terrorist so will live in eternal fear of the buzz of wings at night as something is slotted through my letter box to blow me through into the next life….where if there is a God the only things that fly about with wings are angels.

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  1. George martin says:

    Keep it up mark ,
    Soon you’re blog will be read in Malta ,
    I told you it would go viral .
    Love you and kirsten xx

  2. Peter says:

    I am getting one for the grandchildren !!

  3. The gamekeeper says:

    Haven’t Amazon announced that the Drone which delivers your purchased Drone will be know by the acronym the STORK Drone.

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