“I would rather cry in my Rolls-Royce than laugh on a bicycle” - Patrizia Reggiani, the notoriously greedy wife to Maurizio Gucci… whom she murdered. I agree


Whoever said the best things in life are free is an idiot. He or she probably believes stars are God’s daisy chain or that rain is just liquid sunshine.

Before you all leap to fire emails at me like Exocet missiles, note the word things.

Love, friendship, good health, a decent moral compass, humour, compassion etc… yes they are the building blocks of happiness… but not things.

Things are what you can touch, be it jets, yachts, mansions, jewellery, caviar, Vintage Krug; even a pair of gravity defying boobs or a six pack. In each case they are eye-wateringly expensive. In fact, the only limit is the size of your wallet and personal greed or lack of taste or real sense of self worth.

However, some of these excesses imbue in me not only head shaking incredulity but equally a feeling of moral and intellectual superiority that the super rich can be super stupid. I remember meeting one of the Producers of Dallas who told me the secret to it’s success (and for the same reason Dynasty) was:

“There is nothing more satisfying than the eye-candy of rich people lives and toys then to watch them screw up a situation you think you could handle better yourself.”

Things like Vicuña cod pieces for $5,000 or a Hammacher Schlemmer single ice cube maker for $759.95 are not on my wish list now and if I won the Lottery, I  cannot see they would ever be.

...and another thing

I remember the Greek myth about Midas wanting everything he touched to turn to gold, then perplexed why his Taramasalata or Moussaka became a tad difficult to digest. Not now. I see examples all over the place of adding gold to food. Why? It has a zero effect on your taste buds. To seriously quadruple the price of a burger to sprinkle over it something that might as well be the content of your nail clippers? And yet Chef Diego Buik just created one of the world’s most expensive burgers, selling it for around $2,314 (fluctuation in price dependent on days price of gold… not price of Kobe beef)!

What of course is equally revealing is that this ‘Emperors new clothes’ of food… is a burger. Tells you all you need to know. I mean it’s not lark’s tongue soufflé, roast guillemot in truffle sauce or caviar ice cream. It’s a burger!

...and another thing

Whether Putin owns the gaudy trinket on the Black Sea or is able to squat there for nothing, it is one of the most pointless exercises not only in vanity but just sheer, toe-curlingly embarrassing bad taste. He immediately distances himself from other European zillionaires of dubious means by showing not only that his morals have been removed at birth but God also went “Oops, I think I’ll release young Vald’s good taste chromosome as well.”

So he is lumped together with tasteless thugs and plunderers such as Kim Jung Il, Gaddafi, Lukashenko, Mugabe, et al instead of the more cultured thieves or baddies like Lord Brockett or Alfred Taubman (Sotherby’s) he so obviously wishes to emulate. Even Burlusconi’s bunga-bunga parties look like models of decorum and taste in their setting compared to this gilded kitch palace.

No, Vlad is being sniggered at behind his back, like using his fish knife for meat or sticking his pinkie out drinking tea. I bet it pisses him off.

...and another thing

Despite all the above I have had money and I have lost money. I know which state I prefer!

Stay safe

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