Is it true love, or are you being checked up on?


Are we so naïve when it comes to love in the modern world? The other day I was standing at a tube station as a young couple waited for a train. The two were locked in a passionate embrace with much hoovering of tonsils and wandering hand syndrome. As the tube pulled in the girl broke away with a sob and boarded. Her paramour stood on the platform tearfully waving the train goodbye. It was quite touching. A minute after the love of his life left, another girl popped out of the waiting room. “Has the bitch gone?” she asked as she grabbed the young man’s hand and they ran to the exit and no doubt a waiting bed! Not a tearful farewell then from our lothario but just checking for certain one girl had left and was not coming back for a while. But I’m convinced the pretty girl on the tube will definitely find out. We all leave far too many electronic echoes of what we get up to. The digital age may indeed open up the possibility of flirtations on the side with everything from Grinder to Ashley Madison but I assume those very things also make it nearly impossible to cover those infidelities up. Your Satnav will have an entry to some love bolt hole and your credit card bill will show charges for a restaurant. Have you even tried to pay in cash recently for a meal? They look at you with more suspicion than a customs officer greeting a plane load of students from Colombia. Your partner can easily see phone bills and notice those tell-tale unknown recurring numbers, read your email and see friends’ updates on Facebook (my wife while proofreading this added that last one- enough said). Your partner will flick through your text messages and photos if you leave your phone lying around. Top prize for being a dummy goes to Congressman Weiner for taking pictures on your phone. Now your wife needs to check up on that as well!. Though why any young lady would want a photo of a gentleman’s sausage if he was actually called wiener only demonstrates the clarity of modern phones photography or the sad lure of being a politician in today’s America! Everything you do is traceable and if you lock a partner out of that data alarm bells ring so loud your hearing gets affected.

...and another thing

A friend of mine runs a fabulous flower shop. He told me the bigger the bouquet the deeper the guilt. Flowers it seems are not so much a sign of ‘I love you’, but rather ‘I did something awful and hope you won’t find out’! No doubt the same is true for chocolates which means Easter must clearly be a time for serial bed hopping. Maybe it’s the spring in the air that has got everyone frisky.

...and another thing

So remember when you see that loving young couple stroll in the park or the elderly pair totter by on matching walking frames, the likelihood is that if they are having an illicit fling they will be caught out. The Police say a murderer will always make one mistake that new technology will find that sticking out like a sore thumb and lead to his capture. So next time you are thinking of having another part of your anatomy stick out like a thumb, remember you are very likely going to get caught…..and have your ‘thumb’ cut off.

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