It’s not over till the fat lady sings


Do we expect the TV news anchors to read the future?

Such is our insatiable appetite for news bites, we have forgotten how to sit down for a proper five course news meal.

It doesn’t matter if it’s Oscar nominees (yawn), COVID rules, Putin’s lack of rules or who is going to run as US President in the next elections, newscasters are permanently trying to predict these answers rather than wait and report them.

I am amazed that CNN or Fox News don’t have a crystal ball on their bulletin desks or their outside reporters don’t include Mystic Meg and Nostradamus. I suspect for the weather reports, these last two may be better than the systems currently employed! Last week in London I got soaked on what was supposed to be “sunny with occasional clouds”.

...and another thing

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth when some German rodent who was a better predictor of FIFA World Cup results than assorted pundits, went to that great hamster wheel in the sky. However, we still have Paul the Octopus, Mani the Parakeet, Flopsy the Kangaroo and my favourite, Mystic Marcus the micro Pig.

All this from the institutions that gave us Dan Rather, Walter Cronkite, Jim Lehrer and Richard Baker. They must all be spinning in their graves at the speed of an F1 camshaft at how news is anything but news. It’s a mixture of abrasive discussion, personal opinion sprinkled with the ooofle-dust of prediction!

...and another thing

The next logical step of course is to simply have a news network purely based on predictions and reporting the future. So we get pictures of a blubbing actress who has just won next year’s Oscar, a celeb divorce for a couple not yet married, or President Xi of Taiwan

I reckon  Futurenews24 would be a monster hit, with the water fountain at offices agog at learning rates of interest have reached such heights and that Caitlyn Jenner has become a man again.

Keep well.

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