Listen to Einstein. May I present the all in one shredder, vacuum cleaner and sprinkler system...


Do we do not listen to Uncle Albert. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and to expect different results". Why do I think every puppy will be different? We have a new French bulldog (Clouseau). His capacity to munch his way through anything made from rubber to industrial grade titanium is remarkable. Today he managed to eat a handful of coffee beans, a mobile phone, a tax return and then chew up an entire ream of paper (500 pages). Obviously he did not consume the lot, but rather like a fox in a henhouse, managed to damage each page enough so it could no longer go in the printer, whilst actually only ingesting two sheets. He has developed a taste for the left ear of one of his elder brother pugs and my right leg is sexier than Beyoncé with a bark. He has an uncanny knack of knowing when I have just fallen asleep so his nip to a big toe wakes me up. I get mad, he looks at me with those big cow eyes.....then pees in a slipper. I have no doubt he would relish anthrax on toast and he still cannot understand why I stopped him chewing on a snail as if it was a gobstopper........ Groundhog Day. It happens every time we get a puppy. It should be no surprise....

...and another thing

The same repeat set of surprises seem to smack friends no longer in the first flush of youth but who decide to have kids again. How can they not remember the sleepless nights both when the kid is a baby or 16 years later waiting for them to return from a party?

Who in their right mind would want to repeat:

  • lugging around the chemistry set needed to sterilize bottles,
  • permanently having a vomit spot on your shoulder,
  • make every cupboard child proof (except the one they find and open resulting in Castro GTX coating their hair like Brylcreem),
  • change a nappy whose content should be on the chemical weapons banned list …?

I suppose when you are older you can at least afford the Swedish Nanny.

However much as I love my kids, for many people I think George Carlin summed it up best.

“God only created money so we keep in touch with our kids.”

And as far as I am concerned

“God only made pets so that it doesn’t look like I’m talking to myself”!

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  1. Antonia says:

    Congratulations on your new addition!

  2. Antonia says:

    So true… not the kids bit for me ! People often think my tea cup Pom is a toy and that I’m a crazy woman who talks to herself holding a teddy…. x

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