My body is a temple, but to my wife it’s an amusement arcade


When you read the above did you think of sex? Well in fact that may indeed be the subject of but I was referring to something else. My wife likes nothing better than to squeeze blackheads on my back, pull hairs out of my nose and rebuke me about the length of my toenails! I am thankful that I don’t have a hairy back as I suspect the hot wax would be out in an instant. There are times when I feel like one of those monkeys who sit quietly as their partner grooms them. It’s a contradiction to me that I remind myself to compliment my beautiful wife when she has her hair done or buys a new piece of clothing, yet I must remain quiet during these imposed moments of my improvement. The idea I might apply her make-up or pluck her eyebrows would be to invite thermonuclear retaliation! I found it very revealing that during a recent dinner party someone else mentioned how much she enjoyed this semi painful preening process of (in her phrase) ‘doing the pointwork’ on her husband. It was like he was a Grade 2 listed building. Soon others at the table agreed. It seems there is some inbuilt instinct for the female gender to balance out our Alfa male persona by having us submit to this routine ceremony of buffing and fluffing

...and another thing

The beach is another area where my beloved wife’s maintenance over my body goes into overdrive. It’s sun factor X on my face, Y on my back and Z on my body. If I go in the water even if the gel that now bastes me like a roasting chicken is still clearly visible, more sun tan cream must be re-applied. Next its hat, sunglasses, shorts. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my wife and appreciate her concern but deep down, she, and I suspect a number of women, enjoy this.

...and another thing

Finally it’s the doctor. I suppose from growing up in a boarding school where visiting the doctor was like shaking hands with Dr.Frankenstein, I have always been a bit wary of doctors….especially ones who permanently want to grab you by the nuts and ask you to cough, when you’ve come in just to have a malaria shot. So by nature I tend to say very little (about the only time I am quiet). My wife on the other hand being an American, has a near fanatical faith in medicine and no fear at all in discussing everything with her GP. I admire anyone who can discuss every bodily function and then strip off their clothes with equal alacrity….but I can’t. Therefore my wife comes with me and together she and the doctor talk dispassionately about whatever is ailing me that day. My wife will then proceed to point and prod in tandem with the doctor and only when they are both satisfied am I allowed to get dressed and put away like in a character from Toy Story. Only when I get home and I am taken out again do I feel like Woody…..see, it gets around to sex eventually.

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  1. Magda says:

    Hello, hello 😉
    She is “pampering” and “grooming” you, because she loves you and wants both of you to spend many more years together 😉
    It’s a great sign that she cares 😉
    As per doing the “pointwork”…it is probably a reminiscence from our ancestors the Homo sapiens or Neandertal men 😉
    It must be in human genes.
    I never discussed that point with my female friends…;-) but I will ask them (I’m joking !)
    Here, in Levallois (92) (North of Paris), things are really quiet, life starts blossoming again with people walking outside, and shops opening slowly…But still feels like we are all in a huge outdoor Hospital (the Franco British Hospital is just around the corner, anyway…;-)
    So next week, or the week after I should receive the book 😉 Looking forward to reading it !
    Take care of yourselves 😉
    Have a nice week-end.

  2. Theresa Wright says:

    And I thought I was the only wife who “looked after” her husband. Feel better about it all now. Thanks for sharing x

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