My head is as flat as a pancake, but my watch works just fine


Are we persuaded to buy massively over engineered - ‘over specced’ stuff that makes no logical sense for the excessive cost? Easy answer. Because they appeal to us all on the basest of levels. “This cool sh*t makes me look good and hey gives me a feeling of superiority over other people who may be damned better at the sport than me but their kit won’t work in space, or under water or after a nuclear blast…. etc etc”! A lot of sports and hobbies are just an excuse to buy accessories or ‘kit’; exercise machines, game shooting, snowboarding and ski-ing, scuba diving and cycling. These all thrive on our belief that if we buy the right stuff it can turn us into Tomba La Bomba the Olympic skier, mega-peddler Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins or, macho keep fit and fighting legend Chuck Norris (though I hope I’m taller). What they actually make us do is stuff logic in the kit bag. The list of ‘over specced’ stuff is endless. How about titanium bike pedals, hi-tech weight loss machines that can be programmed for eight hours straight, or made to measure ski-boots guaranteed to keep your tootsies warm at minus 30 degrees. But what’s the point? Ski at that temperature and it’s so cold your pubic hair will crackle and your partner’s Botox will freeze. My diver’s watch can go 2, 000 feet under-water…. but if I was wearing it at that depth, I would be squashed flat enough to slide under a door. Its technology for one-upmanship sake and utterly pointless.

...and another thing

Modern cars are another example of ludicrously over specced kit we buy to make us feel good (or make up for lack of skills). Automated parking? I thought being able to park was a skill set you needed to pass a driving test! Quick 0-60 MPH times make some sense. The faster you can accelerate the easier and safer it is to overtake on the real road. But top speeds in excess of 200MPH? Other than a track (where in my view only racing cars should roam, not road cars) you might find a stretch of road in a desert somewhere but straight line speed is utterly unfulfilling. It’s lateral G force due to bends that makes driving fun. However even a modest kink at 200+MPH takes on the appearance of a U-turn and the only thing you will need then is industrial strength nappies.

...and another thing

My phone can do everything now but the music capacity is insane. I can put on just about everything from the first recorded voice of Rip Van Winkle to a 21st century Robot choir if I have a 64 GB phone. However I don’t think I could ever spend enough time listening to the music (be it in the car doing 200MPH) or in the house having a dinner party to ever get close to listening to it all. Again, utterly pointless.

...and another thing

I suppose ‘over specced’ kit makes us all feel superior. There’s something about pretending you need something way over the norm that gives us a sense of importance. So we keep on buying this stuff, whether it’s super strength strong mints that make your tongue dial the fire brigade or marching into the pharmacy to buy extra-large size Trojans that just rub a man’s ego!

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