My Underpants intimidate me…


Do I allow marketing and fashion to seep into the crease of my subconscious? I can’t buy a pair of boxers without David Beckham’s tattoed physique reminding me what I should look like (or years ago a grinning Marky Mark before he turned into Mark Wahlberg)? So obsessed are we with visions of perfection in advertising that there are casting calls for pets and ‘make up artists’ when you shoot a plain old Hamburger

...and another thing

I really enjoy cooking. But all these cooking shows seemobsessed with presentation and less about the simplicity of making great food.
I’m not saying you should slap down in front of your guests something that looks like roadkill, but over fussy tuilles and dots of Balsamic vinegar dripped across my plate like a Jackson Pollock are not necessary. Any restaurant that sticks a cumquat next to my food is going to present me with a bill as wondrously concocted as it’s dishes.
If eating was about beauty rather than taste we’d have died out years ago munching on snowberries, paddy melon, ackee fruit and pretty red and white dotted mushrooms.

...and another thing

We also seem to have let marketing think we should now equate choice with quality. I lost count of the number of variations of apples I saw in the supermarket in the UK in June but I’m pretty sure most tasted of wood and had been flown in from all four corners of the globe. None were naturally local grown.
Remarkably, here in Malta you only get fruit when it’s in season! Of course that’s how it should be but we have become immune to seasAons and how they relate to food. Instead of saying:
“It’s June, time for strawberries,”
we have been marketed into thinking
“It’s Monday…I fancy a strawberry…”
then get all disappointed when they taste of a cross between candyfloss and Irn Bru (Cotton Candy and Dr. Pepper for you Americans).

...and another thing

So next time you need something basic to wear or eat maybe worry less if the magenta strip in the underpants brings out the colour of your eyes or if the obscure purple potatoes and mauve carrots will clash with the red beetroot puree. Just ask yourself if the pants comfortably hold your ‘crown jewels’ and the food came out of the ground not out of a designer studio!

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One Comment

  1. Avatar Paul Macneil says:

    Aussie bums for me and in my head work like the packet…
    How’s Malta life xx