Never be a fitness freak in your twenties...


Workout when out of your head? I spent much of my twenties and thirties in a haze of cigarette smoke, hangovers and occasional substance abuse. 'Fit' was only an adjective used to describe a girl! Since then I am happy to say I got my act together and by my forties I even started going to the gym. Most of the sweating bodies of my age that had been fit in their twenties were miserable. They could only witness a decline in their sporting prowess from their adolescent peak. Every day in the gym was a hopeless effort to recapture their sporting glories. Not me, I reckon a seventy year old could have outperformed me at 20. At 40 I certainly could have. So having been a wreck in my youth, every day in the gym saw me reach a level I had never achieved before. I was bloody euphoric.  The tide for me was coming in and for all those goody goodies of youth it was just going out. The moral here is unless you are a professional athlete, give yourself the gift of fitness later in life and be a rake in your youth! Middle age will thank you for it.

...and another thing

There are however some things you definitely want to experience in your youth and not wait till later. Mumps is a case in point.

Rollercoasters are another. I loved them but no longer. Falling out of love with fairground rides happens quick, like flicking a light switch. One minute you love having cotton candy stuck in your hair along with flecks of vomit from people screaming in the seats in front, the next minute you would rather eat a cow pat than take the next big twister. So make sure you try every scary ride you can before thirty.

Dancing like a puppet with a couple of busted strings is cool but only up to 35. After that if you haven’t learned rhythm no amount of watching Dancing with the Stars is going to help you. Unless of course you are immune to ridicule in which case dance away as I’m sorry to say crap dancers make me howl with laughter.

...and another thing

There are other things you want to avoid till later. Smoking a cigar under the age of 35 gives you a Grade A pass in twattery. So does wearing a cravat and saying ‘one’ instead of ‘we’ or ‘I’. Trying to squeeze into an 18-30 holiday at 30 is sadder than Saddy McSad of the Sad clan as is trying to squeeze into a size 8 dress when you are a 12.

However the one thing I suspect we all wanted when young but not when you get older is fame. I bet Brad Pitt can’t take a piss without someone whipping out a mobile phone and Jennifer Anniston will forever regret that one indiscreet pick of her nose!

See you in the gym.

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