Nice Tattoos. Perfect for Shakespeare


Would an actor cover his or herself in tattoos (least of all those with spelling mistakes….Tradgedy??) The whole body is a blank canvas, on which the actor creates a character. Yet serious actors now want to cover themselves with designs and phrases totally at odds with their profession. If you are playing Hamlet, I would have thought names of previous girlfriends and a design that looks like the cover from a Meatloaf album might be out of context? It was one thing when Sean Connery had two small tattoos on his right arm, Scotland Forever (surely a mistake as he hasn’t lived there for more than half a century?) and Mum and Dad, as both were easily covered up by make-up in the Bond movies. (You can still see them though if you look carefully). In any case MI5 and MI6 ban any kind of body markings that can identity an agent. Actor Tom Hardy is a veritable Etch-a-Sketch of body tattoos. When his half naked torso was shown playing the baddie Bane in The Dark Knight I assume at times CGI (computer Generated Effects) were employed to cover them all up, however good old pancake make-up seems to have done the trick most of the time. You can see in some outtakes or set photographer shots the smudging of the thick layer of body cover-up revealing a tattoo underneath.  In a more recent film, Mad Max, Fury Road he looked a bit ridiculous as he was so buttoned up with only his head and hands showing! Maybe being in the Namibian desert with all that sand sticking to thick pancake body make-up would have driven him nuts!? But now he wants to be Bond?? The point is, talented as he and many other like him with body tattoos are, it seems to run against everything an actor’s body should be. If I was a producer shooting a Roman epic and saw Kiss me qwick tattooed on a centurion’s ass and had to pay to cover it up, I’d be offering to sandpaper it off!

...and another thing

Equally bizarre to me is rhinoplasty (a nose job) when you are a singer. If you make a living from your voice, the risk of altering your unique tone and quality would scare me. People assume this is the reason why Barbra Streisand hung onto her schnozzle. On the other hand early in his career, Sir Tom Jones took the plunge and has his nose shaved down to the cute little thing it is today. Of course in Michael Jackson’s case, I fear nose fettling happened so often that although it never affected his voice, he seemed to have become a little more ‘quirky’ with each procedure.

...and another thing

I am beautiful but to show you I am talented I will look ugly, is another counter intuitive reaction, yet really commonplace. Brad Pitt is a bloody good actor. Yes it must drive him a little nuts that some people may only see a pretty face, but to look dishevelled tired and bedraggled to counter that seems strange. Of course being married to the wonderful Angelina Jolie, or before that to Jennifer Anniston might make anyone look tired or dishevelled!  However if you are beautiful, be grateful.

...and another thing

What is really hilarious are people who are both beautiful and want to be taken seriously yet so stupid if you shouted in their ear you would get an echo. I can only howl with laughter.

“I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her, but it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and so much about life. She’s 18. And I was like, that’s how I feel.”

Kim Kardashian, when asked to describe how she was feeling after the disintegration of her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries.

Or how’s this for real introspection and self-knowledge,

“Everybody loves me: babies, dogs… ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.” Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Jersey Shore

Wow! More of that and I’ll pay for their next tattoo.

“Fu*kwit”, tattooed on their forehead. Trouble is these genii could only see it in the mirror and would not be able to read the backwards writing.

So as a prompt I’d also tattoo the same thing on their palm.

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  1. Tony says:

    Really like the changes. . . .well done.
    My sentiments, exactly, on the body art. . . .WHY? I imagine that’s why they brand cattle, so they can identify them in a crowd. LOL!

  2. Peter says:

    Sport stars as well… What about Beckham. And so many of the rugby players.

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