Only Ol' Blue Eyes can make a comeback


Does money override what you can plainly see in the mirror? When it comes to the human body, gravity wins. In the case of over the hill boxers, in more ways than one as nearly all comebacks result in them kissing the canvas. I see the Spice Girls, now more like the Pungent Women, are to make a comeback tour. Those pert dimensions and high-kicking routines will be sorely tested on a world tour; naturally soothed by a multi-million dollar payday. Of course we are to blame. The fact is prior to any comeback tour, most artists put themselves through a grueling fitness regime to at least try to be as buff as possible. Mick Jagger has his own personal Torquemada called Torje Eike who makes the legendary rock ‘n’ roll pixie run 8 miles a day, half of them backwards. We the audience delude ourselves that our heroes look barely affected by time, so by extension must we be equally Dorian Grey-like. This leads to such a strange phenomena such as ageing grannies chucking their incontinence pants at Tom Jones or tubby bald blokes strutting around like overfed chickens at an Aerosmith Concert all trying to be Steven Tyler. Weirdest are The Bronies. These are middle aged men who dress up like My Little Pony and attend conventions about the adventures of the saccharine nags. Frankly they all look like ‘Chester the Child Molester’ and should be avoided more than a battalion of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

...and another thing

Fashion also seems to like a comeback and these are equally ill advised. Bell bottom trousers, Afghan Coats, Mohican Haircuts, etc. need to be left in the dustbin of history, not pulled out by some designer rummaging about for ideas when his or her own creativity has reached a low point.

Yet without fail when these regurgitated fashion disasters are paraded by stick thin models on the catwalk as some announcer always says:

“… and believe it or not we will all be wearing these again next season.”

I would rather engage in nude mud wrestling with Roseanne Barr and Kim Jung Il than wear a shell suit or platform sneakers again.

...and another thing

Food. Yup the same creativity black hole for fashion designers can swallow up cooks. Once you have invented lark tongue soufflé or served Toad in the Hole (traditionally sausages in batter) using real toads I suppose the awful simplicity of Black Forest Gateau, cheese and pineapple on a stick or spam fritters all washed down with Babysham is a revelation. It isn’t. This is the kind of food your body rents rather than digests. It was bad then and worse now.

...and another thing

Apart from the Messiah, I suppose the ultimate comeback comes from the great Winston Churchill.

He got a telegram from Socialist Playwright Sir Bernard Shaw:

“Have reserved two tickets for opening night. Come and bring a friend if you have one.”

Winston sent one back:

“Impossible to come to First Night. Will come to Second, if you have one.”


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  1. Peter says:

    I have a splendid book of Churchill quotations which I keep on my desk. As a grandfather the one I I’m rather fond of is:-

    Churchill’s grandson: Grandpa! Are you really greatest man in the world?

    Churchill: Of course I am the greatest man in the world. Now buzz off!!

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