Slow...slow...quick don't know how to walk


Has the basic action of putting one foot in front of the other become obsessively scrutinised? In the not too distant past we had Neolithic man....let's call him Uggg.  After he has dragged his wife by the hair around the cave as foreplay before some prehistoric love-making, he ventures outside with his trusty club to find dinner. "Just popping out for a bite, dear." It was a toss-up in fact who would be dinner, Uggg the caveman or Tiddles from next door, the local sabre tooth tiger. This is not quite on a par with you or me popping down to Tesco's for a microwave chicken korma and a six pack of Aussie beer. (Neither of which you actually eat, just rent.) Apart from his club, loincloth, toothless grin and a few fleas, Uggg took nothing else with him. The intrepid Tesco visitor if he came on foot would have a Day-Glo jacket, mobile phone and in case he died from thirst or hunger on the long trek from Acacia Avenue to the supermarket, a bottle of water and an energy bar. That seems a little excessive even for the suburbs (unless it's Texas where you would rather walk naked than without your two friends Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson).

...and another thing

Now we are being told we don’t even walk correctly. I am a direct descendent of Uggg from millennia ago and a fervent believer in Darwin’s theory of Evolution. So who exactly is saying we are now not walking properly? It’s not as if some other species is putting me to shame because they can pirouette across the tundra for a day nonstop, or can hop backwards at 75 m.p.h.

We have developed an insatiable need to investigate every action or aspect of human nature, no matter how natural and question if we are doing it correctly. There are battalions of experts telling us we are doing everything wrong from having a pooh, to chewing, breathing, screwing, to even picking your nose!

In turn we buy books, download videos, and go to lessons to relearn what Mother Nature taught us in the first place!

...and another thing

Even Evolution is being befuddled by modern day life. Here is an interesting exercise. Hold out your palm vertically facing someone and say…

“Imagine my palm is a doorbell. Ring it.”

Most people over 35 will use their index finger. Those under 35 use their thumb.  Reason? Younger people have grown up using their thumb for video games, phones and technology! Darwin would be so pleased!

The only real problem with forever questioning how we do things is we have created a subsection of irritating know-all’s who come up to you when performing the most mundane of things to say:


“Ooh, no…You don’t want to do it like that….”


God, I sometimes miss my Uggg’s club.

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