So bad they named it twice


Do drug companies give their products not one but two instantly forgettable names? Is this because they all themselves have multiple names. GlaxoSmithKline, F. Hoffmann-La Roche or the puzzling Johnson & Johnson. Were they twins? Take statins? I do. Everyday. Lowers cholesterol and good for your heart. The actual name for mine is Rosuvastatin. Sounds like a Russian spy. However they sell it under the name brand Crestor. Why? It is confusing for me and plain difficult to remember. Isn’t it a toothpaste?  And as for marketing, the name Crestor does sweet F.A. in telling me what it does. How about Heart-help? Ticker-tablet or Pressure buster? Same with just about any drug you can think of. Here is a list of the most common drugs with their retail name and fancy name. Levothyroxine (Synthroid) Lisinopril (Prinivil, Zestril) Gabapentin (Neurontin) Amlodipine (Norvasc) Hydrocodone/acetaminophen (Vicodin, Norco) Amoxicillin (Amoxil) Omeprazole (Prilosec) Metformin (Glucophage) Losartan (Cozaar). Unless you are actually taking them how many do you recognise or know what they treat? Yet they are sold by the gazillions! With the $€¥ billions these guys syphon off us, does their marketing department really think that unpronounceable and hard to remember names gives them gravitas and therefore the right to charge like the Light Brigade for their product! It’s loopy. I suppose Viagra comes close with association with vigour but Hard-as-rock is much better. Vicodin should be Zonked and Gabapentin Ouch-away. As for herpes busting Zovirax (real name Acyclovir) how about  No-sex-just-yet.

...and another thing

I also read this week the list of the most popular names for boys and girls in the U.K.

Olivia and Oliver are top however, Olive does not make the top 100. Amelia, Isla, Ava, Mia and Isabella make up the top six for girls and George, Noah, Arthur, Harry (not Henry) and Leo for boys.

Come on! Are they kidding?! Maybe in the super trendy North London enclave of Islington where you can throw a brick down the street and hit five Noah’s. But in Wigan, Glasgow, Birmingham or Durham? If you were called Leo in any of those areas you could expect bullying on an industrial scale and sessions with a shrink for years after.

I can’t quite visualise an overweight tattooed Meter Maid (Parking Warden) from Manchester ever being named Amelia or a tax inspector’s handle being Ava.

The next burning issue is why are parents so short sighted… and so in love with not only stupid names but double barrelled names – just like our drug manufacturer friends?

Bronx Mowgli and Jagger Snow are what Ashlee Simpson has to call out for her kids. What was she thinking (or maybe taking) when she thought these would work in the playground?

Kal-El is Nick Cage’s son. I can save shrink money here. Kal, your Dad was pissed he did not get to play Superman so vented his frustration calling you Clark Kent’s real name.

If North West, the offspring of a Kanye West and Kim Kardashian simply called his son Junior, would that mean he is really North by North West?

As with the above Nick Cage, parental insecurity is clear in their children’s names. Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza discreetly named their son Jermajesty Jackson showing how the title, the Prince of Pop attributed to Jermaine’s brother Michael, rankled with his elder sibling.

Rapper Rick Ross clearly shows his own feeling of financial failure calling his son Billion. How can some successful people be so insecure? It’s not as if Trump named a daughter Wallflower-shy-shy or Biden his grandson Speedy- Gonzalez?

 So parents. Don’t put your monkey on your kids back. And do them a favour. A one syllable name that cannot be shortened or screwed around with is perfect.

Mark is of course an excellent choice for a boy.


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