The end is NEVER nigh, so why tell me it is.....


...and another thing

Is it the longer the wait for something to end, the final completion seems to take on high definition, industrial strength  s- l – o – w   m – o – t – i – o – n?

 Forget about the saying ‘Watch pot, never boil’, I recently waited for a laundry machine to complete a cycle. More flashing lights than the deck of USS Starship Enterprise, a cacophony of pings and clicks and the countdown (be it dial or linear) just crawls over the last five minutes. I swear the dial moves three times further in the penultimate five minutes as opposed to the final five.

Then Eureka! At last a ‘ting’ and all lights go out. Sighing with relief I reach to open to door…but no. Due to some unfathomable legislation (in Europe at least) even after the machine has stopped the door remains locked for a minute or so. Why??? If anyone reading this blog can explain, please just send a response to the letter page so the rest of the human race can understand. If legislators got their way it would be Human Amble-Along, not Human Race. Why is speed bad? As I have said before speed never killed anyone. Stopping is what does it; albeit usually abruptly.

...and another thing

Long distance car journeys that end in a port (air or sea) also seem to suffer the ‘let’s put time on hold for the last bit’ syndrome. I have driven countless times to Le Chunnel (the undersea train you load a car on that connects the UK to France…and some poor refugees to the back of lorries). No matter the distance I have travelled, when I get close to Calais I am so relieved when I eventually see the signs for Le Tunnel S/S La Manche (Yup that’s what, the Frogs signpost it as even though the international name is Le Chunnel- go figure). It’s usually at around 35 KM (21miles) away, yet it always seems to take an hour to reach Le Chunnel’s departure area. Even flat out! No wonder it is a very popular speed trap for French Police as you get lulled into this false sense of security that your goal is ten minutes away…….and forty five minutes later you are still 5 KM away. “Quick, step on the gas or we will miss the train.” You can guess the rest.

I have recently been in the States driving both in Washington DC where distances on the beltway ( the orbital road) seem as elastic as Melissa McCarthy’s g string. One mile seems to s -t – r – e – t – c – h for five.

As for the drive from San Francisco to Pebble Beach it was only about 85 miles. Yes there was traffic on Highway 101 but it was always moving. It took 2 1/2 hours. Highway 101 does indeed curve in the shape of a ? (question mark) from San Francisco to Monterrey, a Peninsular so maybe the 85 miles is as the crow flies. However as my rental box is not a crow can we please have the correct mileage. It has to be over 110 miles.  (And not having a SatNav in a mid-size rental car that even has air conditioned seats and five cup holders, is pathetic. I am not spending $20 extra a day for something on my phone or I-Pad. Wake up car companies this p*ssssess people off. So Try Harder).

...and another thing

The ‘worst hurry up and wait‘ however must be downloading. Whether it’s a movie, a book or even my daily newspaper the little dial fair rips around for the first 65%, so fast I barely see the meter fill up. Then it slows and goes up in smaller but still decent increments. Then the last five percent the gauge fills up with increments the breadth of a gnat’s eyelash. Drives me crazy. Takes as long as the previous 99.99%.


Still here’s one thing that comes to an end…at last. Bye till next week.

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