Wear a tie if you want to be taken seriously


Don’t people understand that a business suit is just 21st Century armour? It’s meant to be intimidating. It’s expensive, often handmade and bloody uncomfortable. This is something that is close to home for me. I’m actually allergic to wool, so when I dress up in a suit and tie I itch like a flea infested baboon rolling in a nettle-bed but my dear business partners explain that’s a small price to pay for some financial or legal glory. Some folks might think it’s bangin’ to turn up to a meeting with Bankers or Lawyers in Nike Louis Vuitton sneakers ($2,500) and a Dolce and Gabana    t-shirt ($1,300), but all you’ll be banging is your head on a brick wall. There are rules and regs in life and these include costumes. Run against that and you simply put yourself at a disadvantage. And if you think dressing like a walking advertising slogan makes a statement… it’s that you are a gullible twat!

...and another thing

Costumes work at nearly every level, however weird they may look.

In countries where Judges are dressed in flowing robes and wigs have been subject to virtually no attempted physical attacks from people in the courtroom, compared to Judges attired in more casual clothing who often get a sock on the jaw.

You want to increase the tip amount left to your waiters? Get them all to dress smartly; it also allows you to sneak up the price as the customers feel a little intimidated. Just look at how well Ian Schrager has done with his hotels and the battalions of Armani clad staff! Who isn’t going to leave a monster tip for someone moonlighting from the Ford Modelling Agency for a couple of nights a week and whose looks are a cover on Vogue as well as an added cover charge.

...and another thing

Military uniforms are of course the ultimate expression of authoritative clothing… and dare I say it can look achingly cool. In no way can anyone respect the SS and what they stood for… but that black leather clothing, well cut uniforms and silver skull on the perfectly peaked cap still sends a frisson down many a spine (and in high demand in the S&M world of whips and dominatrix). All thanks of course to Mr. Hugo Boss who designed them.

There are times when it all backfires. The Swiss Guards at the Vatican with a costume that looks like it came out of a red, yellow and blue deckchair. What is that all about?

And in the UK, the traffic wardens used to wear peaked caps with a yellow line around them just in case you were tempted to park on their head (a yellow line on the road in Great Britain means no parking).

Movies of course are the biggest culprits of bad dressing. Mel Gibson has a great pair of pins in Braveheart displayed under his kilt… except there were no kilts in 13c Scotland.

Even James Bond has a wardrobe malfunction once in a while. If you look very closely at the opening scene in Skyfall on the train roof, Daniel Craig swaps from lace up shoes to ankle boots. A momentary glitch for someone who is usually a paragon of how to dress right. Whether it’s a pair of budgie smuggler  swimming shorts getting out of the sea or a dinner jacket and bow tie at a Casino, women swoon and blokes go a fetching shade of green with envy. Dressed to kill… clothes maketh the man. And you’ll never see Bond in a t-shirt at M’s Office.

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  1. Indeed says:

    If you compare how people dressed 50 years ago and nowadays… a sad sight indeed.

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