Your title’s too long


Are the titles of television shows and movies so long? There is a movie on Netflix called The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window. This is the tip of a particularly annoying iceberg that is intent on sinking my ability to search for shows. Nowadays with so many options to watch from Sky, to ITV Hub, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Disney + Uncle Tom Cobbly and all, I spend most of my time feeding titles into search engines. Fine if you are looking to watch movies like  V, It, Up, Z, W or Us but more irritating than nails down a blackboard when it’s The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan or my recent favourite Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Hellbound, Flesh-Eating Subhumanoid Zombified Living Dead, Part 2: In Shocking 2-D (1991)

...and another thing

TV shows are just as bad. The real Bling Ring Hollywood Heist, The Summer I turned Pretty, The Anthrax Attacks in the Shadow of 911. In the same way audience figures are dropping off a cliff for House of the Dragon because it’s too dark to watch on a TV let alone an IPad or Phone, I simply cannot be bothered to type in long titles every time I want to watch something.

I do however use this andanotherthing blog as an offer of my services to all the platforms for a simple fee of $10,000 per title. I guarantee to title every project with no more than three words and no more than 20 letters.

...and another thing

The only thing to have longer than necessary titles than tv content is a tinpot dictator. Forget about a fancy car or jet making up for your obvious shortcomings in the gentleman’s sausage department, a long title is a Belisha  beacon that you are hung like a goldfish and as insecure as playing hopscotch in a field of land mines.

Idi Amin:  His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.”

Kim Jung un:  Dear Respected Comrade Kim Jong Un, Chairman of the Workers’ Party of Korea, Chairman of the State Affairs Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army.

Jean Bedel Bokassa: Emperor of Central Africa by the will of the Central African people, united within the national political party, the MESAN, Sovereign Knight Grand Cordon with Collar of the Imperial Bokassa.

History is littered with people with delusional titles. Ceausescu in Romania had a bunch but my favourite was Genius of the Carpathians. The sad fact is the longer the title the less likely you will die with your boots off in bed with those titles intact.

And as for tv I am just waiting for a travel show round Wales. Visits to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and other railway villages.

Keep safe.

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