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All posts in category: Finance/Law

I know what colour knickers you have on...

  • July 30, 2015
  • Finance/Law Life
  • View all 3 Comments
Why...

Are we allowing drones, those wretched electronic insects, to proliferate practically unchecked? If I climb a tree and start photographing my neighbour as she sunbathes in the nude or hang upside down from a balcony and film the honeymoon couple in the suite below, I expect arrest, lawsuits and bad language to be hurled in equal measure. Yet some halfwit can pop into any branch of Electronic’n’Computershit’R’us and buy an 'eye in the sky' by simply shoving over a credit card (something that took far more scrutiny to obtain than the drone). When first introduced by the U.S. military, I must admit to a frisson of smug satisfaction at the West's ingenuity. A drone, sent by a bloke with a buzz cut in a bunker in Nebraska, could deliver a missile right through Mr. Terrorist’s front door, whether he’s in Timbuktu or Al Ramadi. How’s that for special delivery! Now it seems our privacy and safety is the target; these things follow dogs in the park, boats at sea and even joy riders in stolen cars. The accident waiting to happen (such as a multi-car pileup or worse...an airline crash) is patiently hovering in the corner.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Dear Mr.Burglar.com….

  • July 16, 2015
  • Finance/Law Life
  • View all 3 Comments
Why...

In a world obsessed with security are we so crap at our own? I mean apart from the crass self-indulgence of Twitter and/or Facebook, do people really understand that when they post photos of themselves away on holiday every burglar in town says "Thank you, enjoy your break…while I break in?" Sat Nav's. Wonderful things. However when you register your details for ‘home’, maybe it’s not such a good idea to punch in your actual address? If your car gets stolen (especially if it’s something sleek, shiny and expensive) you have given the thief the added bonus of knowing where you live, usually with an electronic garage door opener in the glovebox. So maybe use a nasty neighbour's address close by you instead? Simple security. It’s ironic we are so cavalier on our own but in a crowd will all meekly take off our shoes at airports. At airport security we allow ourselves the indignity of being kneaded like dough despite the infinitesimally small chance of sharing a plane with someone sadly wanting to blow us through the doors of the next world! We hunch up at ATM’s furtively checking over our shoulder for anyone suspicious, yet gladly hand out the same details over the internet to just about anyone. In addition we guard our personal bank account numbers and codes like a poker player hiding his straight flush. However if we get a phone call from someone saying he is from the bank and need to change our security code due to a breach, we never question it. "Before we can proceed with the new code for our security process please first can you give me your current one." We spout down the phone every conceivable security detail known to man….saying thank you whilst doing it! The thank you is reciprocated by the thief you have just given your details to.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Was it good for you? Please, please tell me you love me.

  • July 2, 2015
  • Finance/Law Life
  • View all 4 Comments
Why...

Is it that any time I ring customer service, I immediately get sent a questionnaire asking if I enjoyed the experience?

The experience better be good or I simply won’t be a customer. How’s that for simple market research. Doh!

All these calls are recorded 'to serve me better' so why not listen to them rather than ask me, the customer, to do the retailer/service company’s job?

Most of the time I have to contact these people because I have a problem. A really good operator’s words can take the sting out of waiting hours to get through, so why undo all that warm fuzzy feeling by pestering me about an experience I would rather never have had in the first place! Having access to my email or sms (text) address should not be a short cut for companies’ customer research.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Buy the horse, not the stable!

  • June 25, 2015
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Sport
  • View all 2 Comments
Why...

Buy Bernie Ecclestone's Grand Prix Circus, when you can probably get control of the Formula 1 (F1) big top simply by being a co-owner of the star act? Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) own 90% of car maker Ferrari with Piero Ferrari, Enzo's son owning the other 10%. FCA have announced their intention to sell off 10% of the Italian sports car maker and are valuing Ferrari at $6 billion. This might seem a little excessive as the entire group is valued at only just over $12 billion...but such is the razzle dazzle of the prancing horse from Maranello! There is no Formula 1 without Ferrari and with new owners of F1 on the horizon now is the time to strike. Change in F1 ownership will inevitably result in some instability and they need a happy and contented Ferrari. So why not just grab that 10% of Ferrari for $600million. In addition to impressing the hell out of your Russian mistress or dinner companions at your beach house in St. Tropez, you go straight to the top of the queue for any new Ferrari with the bonus of VIP invites to every Grand Prix.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

So who made you a professional 'offendee'?

  • June 18, 2015
  • Finance/Law Life Work
  • View all 3 Comments
Why...

If somebody says something in private that is overheard and reported, someone else not remotely involved seems to get 'offended'? Don't get me wrong, I don't condone any kind of aggressive, hateful, racist or derogatory public statements. In private surely we have the right to say certain things that in the 'open' world are of course inappropriate. Again I am not encouraging hateful diatribe but rude words, blue jokes, clichéd stereotypes can have a role in private conversation. If I tell a joke about a Scotsman, an Irishman and an Englishman, why should some Scotsman I have never met and doesn’t have a clue of the context in which the joke was made be offended? Yes the joke might be offensive if it was a public statement but that’s the whole point. It wasn’t. It’s the 'offendee' who made it public. These offendees not only have had their humour chromosome removed but appear to get their facts wrong. The list is endless and laughable if the consequences were not so serious. Of the examples scattered over the internet one that I found nearly unbelievable was that of Mr. David Howard, who was working for the US Government when he used the word niggardly in a speech to describe a certain expenditure!! People were offended and he was forced to resign. The total lack of understanding of the use of the English Language is the real offence here!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

“Freeze…… you’re a cliché”

  • June 11, 2015
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law
  • View all 1 Comment
Why...

When I watch cop movies are they all still wrapped up in the standard ‘gumshoe’ formula? The following seem to me the dirty dozen plot points you need to tick off.

  • 1) Hero is ‘too old for this shit’ and trying to quit a smoking habit/drug habit/drinking habit or even wearing a nun’s habit. Whatever his failings though he can still shoot the eyebrows off a gerbil at 100 yards, a distance he can also cover faster than Usain Bolt.
  • 2) He has relationship problems, yet falls for a girl young enough to be his daughter (and she is old enough to know better). At first meeting she initially hates him.
  • 3) He works in a police station that is forever booking hookers who know our hero. Someone always says “God, the coffee here tastes like sh*t”.
  • 4) His boss is usually overweight, shouts a lot and is permanently putting his star player on suspension.
  • 5) Our hero destroys half the precinct in a car requisitioned from a driver (usually a soccer mom with a cute kid still in the back), tail-sliding wildly into piles of empty boxes or fruit and veg and letting the baddies ultimately get away (so we can get revenge later).
  • 6) The Boss explodes under the pressure from ‘Above’ to curtail our hero’s exploits. This time the boss wants him to stop working alone and work with a new partner.
ARE YOU ASLEEP YET?
    • 7) Partner dies just as our hero starts to give him some respect.
    • 8) Our heroine refuses witness protection, leaves her apartment and is promptly stuffed into the back of a van kicking and screaming. She is taken back to the baddies lair. (Note hair and make-up still good).
    • 9) Someone always sticks a flick knife into a plastic bag of some drug or other…and then never bothers to seal it up again.
    • 10) Mobile phones are only out of range or low on battery when someone is in danger and no one ever takes a bathroom break.
    • 11) There is always a parking space whenever a car pulls up on the sidewalk.
    • 12) Finale has monster shootout with machine gun bullets spraying everywhere that still seem to miss their target. Eventually there is a mano á mano fight between the cop and the head baddie that ends with a fall through a glass skylight. As our hero is about to be plugged, he comes up with a sure-fire quip kills a shocked baddie and saves the girl. Fade out as our hero flings away his badge, his arm around the rescued girl, now his new squeeze.
So there you go, all you budding script writers. Just fill in the blanks!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

"Eggs benedict with a tazer stun gun on the side, please."

  • June 4, 2015
  • Finance/Law Food & Drink Life Work
  • View all 4 Comments
Why...

Must people feel compelled to have business breakfast meetings?

Breakfast is a time when the brain needs a kick-start of coffee to aid gentle re-entry into reality’s atmosphere. You start by reading about the latest world shattering crisis from the Kardashian family and end with the less trivial matters of Wall Street or Washington.

The idea I would agree to spend those delicious moments of transformation with someone pitching a financing opportunity whilst wearing a tie loud enough to deafen, is ludicrous. The loudest thing I am prepared to listen to is ‘Snap, Crackle and Pop’.

I am pretty certain that all the bad deals were made over breakfast...

"No Josephine, I have made up my mind. We fight at Waterloo tomorrow. Now pass me a croissant." 17th June 1815

"So. All agreed? We change the Coke formula and call the old one Coke Classic. Waffles all round" April 23 1985

"No one will give a shit? Break in if you have to. Just get that stuff out of the Watergate building. More bagels?" October 9th 1972

I imagine evening meals where your brain is fully functioning are therefore so much more successful…

"So Miss Rowling, everyone else has turned down your Harry Potter book? May I offer you more wine?" May 10 1996

"Ok Winston, D-Day is a go. Now another brandy and cigar?" June 4th 1944

"Let’s raise a toast to our little company. And we’ll call it EBay." September 2 1995

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Can’t get an invite to a Royal Castle even if you are a Chinese internet Czar or a Russian oil tycoon? Here’s what will…with the added bonus of a snap of knicker elastic.

  • May 21, 2015
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Love Travel/Nature
  • View all 2 Comments
Why...

Has the classic car market seen such unprecedented growth over the past ten years? If there has been one boom industry over the same period it has been the creation of new centi-millionaires and billionaires. So what does he or she spend their money on? Assuming he has collected enough real estate to house a small nation and a mistress who looks like a snake that has swallowed two bowling balls (the male equivalent having the balls on his arms and a dumbbell in his underwear), next on the shopping list in the glamour stakes are one of the big three. 1) Hollywood cachet 2) A mega Yacht 3) Art and collectables

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Being Superhuman can get you a longer sentence than rape, murder, or molesting children...

  • April 9, 2015
  • Finance/Law Sport
  • View all 2 Comments
Why...

Can someone explain to me how sports Governing Bodies can impose a lifetime ban for substance abuse but not for crimes of violence? Nearly all have zero tolerance to drugs but not for serious crimes? For example, the International Olympic Committee has banned athletes convicted of drug offences from competing for life, but what about other crimes? The whole point of a Governing Body in each sport (apart from keeping the blazer department of Aquascutum, Brookes Brothers and Marks & Spencer in business) is to set out rules. Here’s a simple one; a serious criminal conviction means the Governing Body bans its athletes professionally for life from their sport; no matter who might want to subsequently hire them. To say the convicted athletes are then prevented from making any kind of living is nonsense. Yes they are prevented from making a living supported by the public and media but isn’t that cost of the betrayal of trust? Work at something else. Athletes are role models to children, have a voice in society as well as often being spokesmen for companies and products. If convicted, surely they lose that unique position along with their ability to perform as a professional? Only if they win an appeal or the judgement is later overturned, do they get their license back.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC and nonsense?

  • March 19, 2015
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law
  • View all 5 Comments
Why...

It's been said..... ‘TOP GEAR is bigger than the man and Clarkson can be replaced.’ TOP GEAR has been on the BBC since April 1977. Yawn. At the turn of the millennium the BBC sold a chunk of the format rights to Jeremy Clarkson and another chunk to his producer partner Andy Wilman in their joint venture called Bedder 6. You have to assume the BBC did this because they thought Top Gear was finished. Clarkson took a tired, dog-eared show with all the mass market appeal of a bus driver’s sock and turned it into a monster success. Lo and behold aren't these the very same rights that last year BBC Worldwide apparently forked out £8.4m to Clarkson for his share! Get real! This is not like Dr. Who, a role you can change with another actor. Despite the undoubted skill of all the others involved, Jeremy Clarkson came up with the successful format that is now Top Gear, stars in the damn thing, comes up with the ideas and writes most of the script. (Yes, sorry, it's not all ad lib)! Maybe it's the audience itself the BBC no longer wants? But replace Clarkson and keep it…? No way.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Might Putin lose his marbles?

  • March 6, 2015
  • Finance/Law Food & Drink Kids/Family/Relations Politics Travel/Nature
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

If you obligingly scratch the big Russian Bear’s back, in return he’s apt to claw anyone you ask him to. Greece and the new Syriza Party are now threatening to veto EU sanctions against Russia. Neither country seem to care a fig about convention and opinion except their own domestic popularity. How tempting it must be for Russia to return the Elgin Marbles on loan from the British Museum to Greece. In a mad way it makes sense. It would be an enormously positive result for new Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras and a neat riposte from the Russian President Putin under siege in the UK over the Litvinenko affair!

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Mansion tax bullet misses M.P.s

  • March 2, 2015
  • Finance/Law Politics
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

MP's living in a small flat in London, sorry I mean their mansion, will be subject to Mansion Tax if valued at over £2m; same as some others living mainly in the South East. However unlike those homeowners, the current rules will apparently allow our Politicians to claw mansion Tax back as an allowable expense. Yet another example of 'do what I say' not 'do what I do'.

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

Do EuroMillions or the National Lottery owe you more??

  • February 27, 2015
  • Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Life
  • View all 0 Comments
Why...

For many £2 for a lottery ticket is just cheap therapy. That jackpot dream allows you to fall asleep at night with the daily problems pushed to one side as you carefully plan out what to do with your imminent win. If you play on line, you might receive this email. “We’ve got some news about the ticket from the draw on Tuesday 17th February. Please sign into your account as soon as you can for more information. For a brief moment this can revive the night time fantasies until you log into your account and reality bites: “Congratulations! You’ve won £2.60 on EuroMillions ticket number xxxxxxxxx on Tuesday February 17th.” But did you win £2.60? Not by my maths….not by a long way.   If the stake to play a game on the EuroMillions or National Lottery is £2 surely it should be deducted from your win? It’s the return of your stake. What you win is on top. Therefore if your stake is £2 you surely don’t ‘win’ £2.60, you actually win £0.60 and get your £2 back? That seems to me to be overvaluing success by around 250%. Anyone out there from Camelot or National Lottery Commission to put me right?

..and another thing (continue to read this post)

What is rss? "rss" is about getting live web feeds
directly to your computer.