All posts in category: Entertainment/Media/Arts

Ear ye, ear ye....

August 4, 2016
Animals/Pets Entertainment/Media/Arts Kids/Family/Relations Sex
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Why...

Does the humble ear only get credited as being one of the six senses. It is so much more... Sex. No, I'm not talking sound here. Please watch the delightful French movie The Untouchables about the millionaire paraplegic Philippe and his driver/manservant, Driss. It's a wonderful movie despite its backdrop of the ashes of living after such a disabling accident. It is in fact an utter affirmation of the joys of life. In it, the fondling and rubbing of Philippe's earlobes is his only sensory pleasure and to him on a par with sex! So the ear is also a sexual organ.

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Drip drip drip, my patience is going down the drain......

June 30, 2016
Entertainment/Media/Arts Friends Kids/Family/Relations Life Technology
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Why...

Do the smallest actions by some cause such heated reactions from others? OK so watching some guy pick his spots while at the traffic lights is not the best way to start the day, yet for another motorist this morning it actually infuriated her so much she honked her horn. Maybe she was an unemployed beautician who took offence at his do-it-yourself work depriving her of a living? I regularly strike up an argument with traffic lights that I am certain go green only for three nanoseconds the way I want to travel but stay red for at least a decade to allow the other traffic to slide by quite freely. My wife on the other hand takes the view ‘that's life’ and why do I complain?? I then point out she would rather play hopscotch on a mine field than go for a swim in the sea (she doesn't like swimming in deep water) so she has no reason to pick on my own bête noires. Off we go, pointing out things that only drives one of us crazy and is water off a ducks back to the other. People with earphones that leak hiss like maniacal cicadas have the same horrendous effect on me as fingernails scraping down a blackboard for my wife.

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Good-bye-eee, ♫ good-bye-eee, ♫ baby dear wipe a tear from your eye-eee

Why...

Do we keep and attract clutter like so many nuts and bolts to a magnet? Humans and stuff we collect are like goldfish. The bigger the pond (or in human's case house) the bigger the (goldfish) amount of clutter gets. If anyone is still looking for Elvis, Shergar or Dr. Joseph Mengele, there's a very high chance they are in my loft along with a fine collection of roller blades, hula-hoops, a Pet Rock, a vast selection of jeans that are waiting for me to lose weight.......and a trunk full of CDs. My wife and I have been clearing out as we prepare to leave the UK.

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Sell by date is in an hour…. so let's increase the price.

March 18, 2016
Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Food & Drink
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Why...

On earth am I expected to pay more for something than advertised when it's about to expire? Even ticket touts at a concert or sports match lower the prices as the National Anthem plays to clear out the last of their stock. BUT...... Recently I was in Germany with three colleagues. Our meeting ended sooner than expected and we arrived four hours early at Dusseldorf Airport. Each had bought a return ticket from the UK and back for under £100 on Easyjet. We were all prepared to bin the return ticket as Easyjet had only one flight that night. However another large national carrier had an earlier flight. Despite having advertised the exact flight a few days earlier for similar prices to Easyjet, they now wanted £400 each one way! The argument being I suppose if it was such a late request standing at the airport we would pay the premium! Doh! Out of interest I asked how many tickets they had open… 20. Ten minutes before the plane left I went back to the ticket desk. "Now how many seats are still open on the plane"? "Still twenty, " the woman replied, questioning why I would bother to ask!! If my party had bought tickets at a sensible price they would have sold four more tickets, four more rounds of crappy sandwiches and several rounds of overpriced drinks. Instead that specific airline has pissed me off. I will try and avoid travelling with them ever again and put the experience in a blog. Anyone out there from the airline ticketing departments of a major carrier care to comment. Clue. Their old advert jingle was. ♫We take more fare/care of you, ♫ Fly the flag, fly the flag.

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Tipping is not a town in China

March 3, 2016
Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Food & Drink
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Why...

And when did tipping become compulsory? Surely that's a contradiction in terms? And yet in many instances leaving no tip will result in a glare that Medusa herself would be proud of; and that’s if you’re lucky. A choice swear word or a clip round the ear is a distinct possibility. Tipping now seems to have more nefarious uses. One example, is it can be used to avoid companies obeying the law. Some restaurants hire people below minimum wage and make it up by the service charge. So without the 'discretionary charge' they are in breach of employment law. Other variations can be anything from laundering cash to covering up running a numbers racket.

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THE RESOLUTION IS CARRIED ………

December 31, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Food & Drink Friends Politics Sport Travel/Nature Work
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Why...

When it comes New Year Resolutions do I have the backbone of a chocolate éclair? Without a shadow of a doubt the worst thing to give up for New Year is anything you enjoy. After spending a few days in a confined space with relatives and noisy kids, I just want to send them to a vivisectionist. I sooooo badly need a cigarette, chocolates, booze or drugs and have zero chance of giving up anything till my blood pressure drops below Defcon5. Maybe February? Shortest month of the year. However next year is leap year and winter might have woken up by then so I will need my creature comforts. Looks like Lent is the time I have a shot at stopping something. Of course if it’s religion I give up I might as well ignore Lent and indulge my way through March and April. I mean you have to have Easter with Chocolate and Spring would be meaningless if you can’t toast it with a chilled Bellini? May and June are times of weddings so not drinking and eating is just plain rude. July and August is holiday time, so unless I have managed a crash diet for a week before, I am not going on holiday to starve. Then it’s Fall. The time of mellow fruitfulness…. It’s shooting season and the sky is raining pheasants and partridge like so much plush toys from Hasbro. Next thing you know it’s Thanksgiving that rolls into Christmas season…so no time for giving up anything. AND THAT’S WHY RESOLUTIONS DON’T WORK. So I will briefly turn my attention to the other quaint pastime of the New Year. Talking balls…as in crystal. Here are my 16 predictions for 2016. POLITICS 1) US Mitt Romney declares and chooses Rubio as Vice President goes on to win Republican Nomination, and then the Presidential election. 2) EUROPE Chancellor Merkel will lose a vote of no confidence and resign. 3) UK As with the No vote in the Scottish referendum, politicians will have badly underestimated the strength of anti EU feeling with a surge in the polls for a ‘No’ or exit vote. ‘Yes’ to stay in EU to squeak home by under 2%. 4) WORLDWIDE Instability breaks out in Saudi Arabia. Iran now seen along with Israel as the only stable market economy with a middle class. Despite huge domestic resistance from leaders, need for historic Israel/Iran meeting inevitable. BUSINESS 5) WORLWIDE News Corp will attempt again to buy out other BSKYB shareholders. In either instance, it will then sell off their own shareholding to sovereign hedge fund. 6) US Companies who had bought power on long term contracts start to suffer badly due to drop in oil price. Oil at $35 per barrel continues to question value of fracking and halts much future exploration. However this fall in the barrel price of oil slowly starts to climb and is seen as the low point of fuel prices for the next 15 years. 7) MONEY Euro declines and gold rises; each by 15% and the world’s largest lottery is won because a child chose the numbers for the mother. SPORT 8) FORMULA ONE Will be bought by a group neither from Europe, Asia nor America. However following the BBC decision to drop it and sell to Channel 4 because of low ratings, the new owners will desperately need to reinvigorate a sport that currently is only useful as a cure to insomnia. 9) OLYMPICS Russia reinstated to take part in the Olympics, only for another country to be expelled. Politics and sport are just two sides of the same coin, especially if it’s an Olympic medal. 10) FOOTBALL FIFA elects President who effectively pardons all those currently involved with bribery allegations. As a result they lose a cornerstone commercial partner. MEDIA 11) US Number of broadcast free to air channels on cable drop by over 15%. Netflix eventually bought out by Google after long fight with Amazon. CNN will become a streamed only news service. 12) OSCARS Delayed broadcast due to security scare. Surprises; Best Picture Spotlight and Best Supporting Actor Sylvester Stallone for Creed. TECHNOLOGY 13) Graphine and its full potential is at last grasped by public and becomes the 2016 buzzword. FASHION 14) Group LMVH (Edun, DKNY, Louis Vuitton, Möet et Chandon, Emilio Pucci, Fendi, Marc Jacobs, Givenchy, Kenzo, Berluti, Loewe, Celine Dior) acquires Hermés. FOOD 15) Failed attempt at poisoning distribution plant of major soft drink supplier. Mad cow disease breaks out again in the UK. NATURE 16) Mount Paektu in North Korea-China erupts, for once taking worldwide media’s attention away from President Kim Jung Un’s own eruptions. Give me my score this time next year. Happy New Year to you all! If you have enjoyed the blog please pass on to friends and if you are just dipping in please subscribe! It’s free and you get a once a week notification. If you use a tablet or phone click on the three black horizontal lines Ξ top right, and the form will appear. Just add any name you like and your email address. On line www.andanothething.com the form is on right, above subscribe. Put in a name and email….. Th-th-that’s all folks!

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Art for Art’s Sake, ♫ but money for God’s Sake…

Why...

Do we have this idea that anything that’s old and rare has value? Artistic value comes from an object that has no other purpose in life but to give pleasure due to its own existence; paintings, jewellery, sculpture, books, music, photographs, etc. I am a petrol head so I would add that a few cars, whose real purpose was to move someone from A to B have transcended that initial raison d’être and the very shape of the car in itself has become a work of art. Pottery, china, silverware and furniture have also achieved this dualism and therefore have a ‘value’ over and above their original purpose. However as I watch various TV shows (Pawn Stars, Antique Roadshow, Cash in the Attic, etc.) I am amazed that people think that scarcity of once mundane objects means they have an artistic value. Well, sorry if you have a collection of tissue wrappers for apples, an unmade car model, or old chewing gum etc …they don’t. Rarity in itself has only a value if it has provenance (Elvis’ chewing gum, apple wrappers from the Titanic, Henry Ford’s own model of a Model T, etc.)! I grant you that there are people out there who want to collect old train tickets etc. but that’s a hobby. What they collect is not art. I’m afraid I also feel the same way about stamps.

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When did you last read The Dark Nag?

November 26, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Kids/Family/Relations
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Why...

Are we bullied and scared of calling things by their actual name? I understand that for the new feature film of Enid Blighton’s ‘Noddy’ being undertaken by the normally clear headed Steven Spielberg, he has been forced to change the name of Noddy's best friend Big Ears! The reason? It is thought potentially offensive to call someone by his physical appearance. Really??? So what happens to other literary favourites such as Black Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Hop-along Cassidy, Blind Pugh, Iron Man, Richie Rich or Big Bird? Do they now become The Dark Nag, Melanin impoverished Young Lady and her Vertically Challenged Friends, Mr. Cassidy and his Moderate Walking Disability, Poorly Sighted Pugh, The man with Ferrite Extensions, Economically Maximised Richard and Altidudinally Endowed Bird? This is just wrong. Stop it. We must take things in context not apply our current views. Yes ‘Mammy Two Shoes’ in Tom and Jerry is a stereotype that is unattractive in many ways now, but at the time of writing and production Fred Quimby and his team were not meaning to cause anything other than affection and laughter. Obviously there exists unpleasant and hateful writings since the beginning of time but being able to see them as written is a far better deterrent than whitewashing over it all now. I don’t want a sanitised ‘Mein Kampf’ nor rantings from revolutionaries with their misguided thoughts toned down for better digestion. I am a grown up and can make my own decisions if presented with the facts.

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Nice Tattoos. Perfect for Shakespeare

November 19, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Fasion Health & Beauty Work
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Why...

Would an actor cover his or herself in tattoos (least of all those with spelling mistakes….Tradgedy??) The whole body is a blank canvas, on which the actor creates a character. Yet serious actors now want to cover themselves with designs and phrases totally at odds with their profession. If you are playing Hamlet, I would have thought names of previous girlfriends and a design that looks like the cover from a Meatloaf album might be out of context? It was one thing when Sean Connery had two small tattoos on his right arm, Scotland Forever (surely a mistake as he hasn’t lived there for more than half a century?) and Mum and Dad, as both were easily covered up by make-up in the Bond movies. (You can still see them though if you look carefully). In any case MI5 and MI6 ban any kind of body markings that can identity an agent. Actor Tom Hardy is a veritable Etch-a-Sketch of body tattoos. When his half naked torso was shown playing the baddie Bane in The Dark Knight I assume at times CGI (computer Generated Effects) were employed to cover them all up, however good old pancake make-up seems to have done the trick most of the time. You can see in some outtakes or set photographer shots the smudging of the thick layer of body cover-up revealing a tattoo underneath. In a more recent film, Mad Max, Fury Road he looked a bit ridiculous as he was so buttoned up with only his head and hands showing! Maybe being in the Namibian desert with all that sand sticking to thick pancake body make-up would have driven him nuts!? But now he wants to be Bond?? The point is, talented as he and many other like him with body tattoos are, it seems to run against everything an actor’s body should be. If I was a producer shooting a Roman epic and saw Kiss me qwick tattooed on a centurion’s ass and had to pay to cover it up, I’d be offering to sandpaper it off!

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Who you gonna call♫…NOT the Weatherman

Why...

Do we bother with weather forecasts? If ever a group of people would starve to death if they were paid on performance it’s the weathermen. In the UK the forecast is either… ‘Sunny with cloudy spells and occasional rain’. Well excuse me, but apart from adding a plague of locusts and blizzards that describes every kind of possible permutation you can get. That’s not a weather forecast, that’s weather hedge betting. It covers all the bases and is as much use as a rubber hammer Or You download an app with an hour by hour breakdown that changes more often than Miley Cyrus at an MTV Award ceremony. Earlier this month I was going to Goodwood for their annual three day extravaganza of classic cars and racing called the Goodwood Revival. It lasted from a Friday to Sunday. On Thursday there were dire predictions of fire and brimstone (OK rain) all day Saturday and Sunday but Friday would be fine. Needless to say it rained Friday evening but was sunny for the rest of the week-end. I would do better peering at the entrails of a chicken than use App mumbo-jumbo! How is it that a small island that could be carpeted in an afternoon has such unpredictable weather but when you go to Europe or the United States weather over vast distances can be predicted with reasonable success? Predicting weather is essential to sailors so how we ever became a seafaring nation is beyond me. Perhaps that’s why they took along a parrot to listen to what it had to say? I am told that you can convert cricket chirps to degrees Fahrenheit by counting the number of chirrups in 14 seconds then adding 40 to get the temperature! Either of those animals seem more reliable than depending on some presenter with bad hair and worse clothes pointing at a chart that will be as close to the truth as a candidate’s promises if elected President.

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Keep it simple, stupid

Why...

Do we associate quality with complexity? 95% of mobile phone users understand about 10% of their phones’ capabilities. Does any manufacturer seriously believe we are going to read the handbook (or should I say download it). These things make ‘The Lord of the Rings’ seem like a postcard.

Friends are more useful than a manual and a darn site quicker. We kick ourselves of course but most of their tips are at least helpful. Did you know if you’ve just typed a long sentence and accidentally deleted it on your iPhone, you can give it a shake to bring up the undo/redo button? OK, of course you did, but I didn’t. The point is this useful tip is hidden in a tsunami of useless information.

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Smile and say cheese… But, ♫...hey, you, ♫ get off of my cloud…

Why...

Do we take photos we never really intend to keep? It was reported that during 1990 we took 57 billion photos; for 2015 it’s estimated we will take one trillion! In fact 10% of all photos ever taken were in the last twelve months; every two minutes we take more photos than the entire first 80 years of photography…but of what? And where are they? Well three trillion are on some cloud, to be stored forever and rarely viewed. But what the hell is the cloud? Will the sun come along one day and burn it away? In the 1970’s a questionnaire asked if there was a fire and you could save one thing, most chose their photograph album. Yet now we entrust those cherished memories to some electronic jiggery-pokery none of us understand. If the cloud ever disappears so will our past.

Digital storage has become like the ‘lock-up’ we keep furniture in. We hang onto this stuff in the belief that one day we will use the hideous mirror from Auntie Mary or look at that picture of a drunk in a sombrero in Malaga, mooning at the camera. Of course we never will... unless that young man becomes famous; then it’s who wants to pay?

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Buy the horse, not the stable!

June 25, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Sport
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Why...

Buy Bernie Ecclestone's Grand Prix Circus, when you can probably get control of the Formula 1 (F1) big top simply by being a co-owner of the star act? Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) own 90% of car maker Ferrari with Piero Ferrari, Enzo's son owning the other 10%. FCA have announced their intention to sell off 10% of the Italian sports car maker and are valuing Ferrari at $6 billion. This might seem a little excessive as the entire group is valued at only just over $12 billion...but such is the razzle dazzle of the prancing horse from Maranello! There is no Formula 1 without Ferrari and with new owners of F1 on the horizon now is the time to strike. Change in F1 ownership will inevitably result in some instability and they need a happy and contented Ferrari. So why not just grab that 10% of Ferrari for $600million. In addition to impressing the hell out of your Russian mistress or dinner companions at your beach house in St. Tropez, you go straight to the top of the queue for any new Ferrari with the bonus of VIP invites to every Grand Prix.

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“Freeze…… you’re a cliché”

Why...

When I watch cop movies are they all still wrapped up in the standard ‘gumshoe’ formula? The following seem to me the dirty dozen plot points you need to tick off.

1) Hero is ‘too old for this shit’ and trying to quit a smoking habit/drug habit/drinking habit or even wearing a nun’s habit. Whatever his failings though he can still shoot the eyebrows off a gerbil at 100 yards, a distance he can also cover faster than Usain Bolt.
2) He has relationship problems, yet falls for a girl young enough to be his daughter (and she is old enough to know better). At first meeting she initially hates him.
3) He works in a police station that is forever booking hookers who know our hero. Someone always says “God, the coffee here tastes like sh*t”.
4) His boss is usually overweight, shouts a lot and is permanently putting his star player on suspension.
5) Our hero destroys half the precinct in a car requisitioned from a driver (usually a soccer mom with a cute kid still in the back), tail-sliding wildly into piles of empty boxes or fruit and veg and letting the baddies ultimately get away (so we can get revenge later).
6) The Boss explodes under the pressure from ‘Above’ to curtail our hero’s exploits. This time the boss wants him to stop working alone and work with a new partner.

ARE YOU ASLEEP YET?

7) Partner dies just as our hero starts to give him some respect.
8) Our heroine refuses witness protection, leaves her apartment and is promptly stuffed into the back of a van kicking and screaming. She is taken back to the baddies lair. (Note hair and make-up still good).
9) Someone always sticks a flick knife into a plastic bag of some drug or other…and then never bothers to seal it up again.
10) Mobile phones are only out of range or low on battery when someone is in danger and no one ever takes a bathroom break.
11) There is always a parking space whenever a car pulls up on the sidewalk.
12) Finale has monster shootout with machine gun bullets spraying everywhere that still seem to miss their target. Eventually there is a mano á mano fight between the cop and the head baddie that ends with a fall through a glass skylight. As our hero is about to be plugged, he comes up with a sure-fire quip kills a shocked baddie and saves the girl. Fade out as our hero flings away his badge, his arm around the rescued girl, now his new squeeze.

So there you go, all you budding script writers. Just fill in the blanks!

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Can’t get an invite to a Royal Castle even if you are a Chinese internet Czar or a Russian oil tycoon? Here’s what will…with the added bonus of a snap of knicker elastic.

May 21, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Love Travel/Nature
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Why...

Has the classic car market seen such unprecedented growth over the past ten years? If there has been one boom industry over the same period it has been the creation of new centi-millionaires and billionaires. So what does he or she spend their money on? Assuming he has collected enough real estate to house a small nation and a mistress who looks like a snake that has swallowed two bowling balls (the male equivalent having the balls on his arms and a dumbbell in his underwear), next on the shopping list in the glamour stakes are one of the big three. 1) Hollywood cachet 2) A mega Yacht 3) Art and collectables

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Friend=Foe

Why...

Do I keep getting contacted by people who claim to be my ‘friends’ yet most are as unknown to me as a humour chromosome is to an Immigration official? One of the biggest casualties of the internet has been the murder of the true definition of a favourite noun: Friend. The Oxford Dictionary definition: A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations. Current definition: Anybody who is able to contact you. ‘Privacy’ would seem to be the digital reverse of ‘friendship’. “Internet friendship sites increase communication between people, ” I hear you cry. Bullsh*t. Friendship is two way; it requires time and continual interaction. These sites are in fact the ultimate expression of the self, the antithesis of communication. The data is nearly always one way. The sender does not care what you think, just that you read them. But he or she is quite happy to blindly impose on your time under the cover of somehow being a friend. I suppose a burglar is always grateful to those people saying they are on holiday or are walking around with an engagement ring. However if I have something really personal I want to enjoy with someone I’d pick up a phone, send an email or, heavens above, even write a letter. Apart from a persistent Jehovah’s Witness who rings my door bell and calls me friend, the digital rot all started with early sites like Friends Reunited. This let loose a bunch of people from the past, mainly old school contempories, who reached out of nowhere and dragged you back to the past. Suddenly I was being tracked down by people I vaguely remembered but had never kept up with…… for good reason. They were never my friends in the first place. I didn’t like them when half size so why would I want to be in contact with them in full adult form? As I went to an all-boys school, these ‘friends’ from the past did not even come with the veiled promise of some quick tryst to make up for what I missed all those years ago. (They say it’s the ones that got away that haunt you forever. I can understand why divorce rates shot up amongst those from mixed schools who were contacted). However at least this bunch could claim to have at one time known me. They were simply guilty of stretching the meaning of acquaintance into friend. Sadly that was just the beginning.

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My ears are much better than Zagat.

April 30, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Food & Drink Life
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Why...

Do I bother with restaurant reviews when really I can hear how good the food will be long before a morsel drops into my mouth? The introduction seduction. “Hi, my name is Randy, and I will be your food co-ordinator tonight. Our special is a free range rodent nestling on a bed of cumquat jello and coffee pesto...” Randy does not write orders on a pad. To show you his deep intellect he assures you he will remember it all, like it's some extra treat to allow you to witness such a prodigious memory.....which always means someone gets the wrong meal. The aircon will be up way too high, the lowbrow art hanging on the walls is on display because it's for sale. The bathrooms are made from black slate, so when you take a leak it’s like peeing in a mausoleum. As for the food, you know damn well that the portions will be microscopic but the price positively gargantuan. And despite giving you liver instead of lamb chops Randy will expect a round of applause as well as a big tip.

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Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC and nonsense?

Why...

It's been said..... ‘TOP GEAR is bigger than the man and Clarkson can be replaced.’ TOP GEAR has been on the BBC since April 1977. Yawn. At the turn of the millennium the BBC sold a chunk of the format rights to Jeremy Clarkson and another chunk to his producer partner Andy Wilman in their joint venture called Bedder 6. You have to assume the BBC did this because they thought Top Gear was finished. Clarkson took a tired, dog-eared show with all the mass market appeal of a bus driver’s sock and turned it into a monster success. Lo and behold aren't these the very same rights that last year BBC Worldwide apparently forked out £8.4m to Clarkson for his share! Get real! This is not like Dr. Who, a role you can change with another actor. Despite the undoubted skill of all the others involved, Jeremy Clarkson came up with the successful format that is now Top Gear, stars in the damn thing, comes up with the ideas and writes most of the script. (Yes, sorry, it's not all ad lib)! Maybe it's the audience itself the BBC no longer wants? But replace Clarkson and keep it…? No way.

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Do EuroMillions or the National Lottery owe you more??

February 27, 2015
Entertainment/Media/Arts Finance/Law Life
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Why...

For many £2 for a lottery ticket is just cheap therapy. That jackpot dream allows you to fall asleep at night with the daily problems pushed to one side as you carefully plan out what to do with your imminent win. If you play on line, you might receive this email. “We’ve got some news about the ticket from the draw on Tuesday 17^th February. Please sign into your account as soon as you can for more information. For a brief moment this can revive the night time fantasies until you log into your account and reality bites: “Congratulations! You’ve won £2.60 on EuroMillions ticket number xxxxxxxxx on Tuesday February 17th.” But did you win £2.60? Not by my maths….not by a long way. If the stake to play a game on the EuroMillions or National Lottery is £2 surely it should be deducted from your win? It’s the return of your stake. What you win is on top. Therefore if your stake is £2 you surely don’t ‘win’ £2.60, you actually win £0.60 and get your £2 back? That seems to me to be overvaluing success by around 250%. Anyone out there from Camelot or National Lottery Commission to put me right?

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All posts in category: Entertainment/Media/Arts

Ear ye, ear ye....

Why...

Drip drip drip, my patience is going down the drain......

Why...

Good-bye-eee, ♫ good-bye-eee, ♫ baby dear wipe a tear from your eye-eee

Why...

Sell by date is in an hour…. so let's increase the price.

Why...

Tipping is not a town in China

Why...

THE RESOLUTION IS CARRIED ………

Why...

Art for Art’s Sake, ♫ but money for God’s Sake…

Why...

When did you last read The Dark Nag?

Why...

Nice Tattoos. Perfect for Shakespeare

Why...

Who you gonna call♫…NOT the Weatherman

Why...

Keep it simple, stupid

Why...

Smile and say cheese… But, ♫...hey, you, ♫ get off of my cloud…

Why...

Buy the horse, not the stable!

Why...

“Freeze…… you’re a cliché”

Why...

Can’t get an invite to a Royal Castle even if you are a Chinese internet Czar or a Russian oil tycoon? Here’s what will…with the added bonus of a snap of knicker elastic.

Why...

Friend=Foe

Why...

My ears are much better than Zagat.

Why...

Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC and nonsense?

Why...

Do EuroMillions or the National Lottery owe you more??

Why...