Exactly who or what goes to heaven?

Why...

If only humans go to heaven, exactly at what point in humanity’s development did the Good Lord say “Okey Dokey, they can come in now”?

 Neanderthals seem pretty close to Homo sapiens, so I assume they got the nod. But what about Homo heidelbergensis? Smart name, but apparently a bit of a knuckle-dragger. Or Homo erectus? With a name like that, maybe they all went to hell?

...and another thing

Of course, I am firmly of the belief that when I cross the rainbow bridge, my dogs will be there to greet me. If that’s the case, does every living organism get to heaven? What about extinct ones? Am I going to have to share my cloud while playing a harp with a T-Rex?

...and another thing

What about different religions? Does God mix everyone up or are we all separated according to our faiths and put into different camps, except the Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, etc., who immediately get sent back to be reincarnated. No doubt all this admin will be handled by the agnostics, to wipe the smug smiles off their faces.

...and another thing

Hell. Now this is a tricky one. If God forgives you when you repent on your deathbed, what is the point of living a life of devotion and sacrifice if you can have a ball with drink, drugs and sex, live wild, and then, after enjoying all that, say sorry and slip in? That would seem to be a trifle unfair to those who have lived a life of utter purity. But maybe God realises that utter purity and goodness might make Heaven as boring and bland as a Hallmark movie?

There are some who say Hell does not exist, but would that not make the compulsion to behave well or else… any empty threat? And surely hell is the ying to heaven’s yang.

To be honest, I’m not sure what is worse. That there is no God, so after I shuffle off this mortal coil, there is only eternal blackness, or eternity in a place full of souls who, though admirable in many ways, would drive me round the bend.

If, as Jean-Paul Sartre said, hell is other people, then so is heaven. Perhaps I should convert to reincarnation.

The trouble with reincarnation is it sounds spiritual until you realise it’s just the cosmic version of being stuck in development hell.

Anyway, whatever you believe, may you not be disappointed!

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